Crashing into You
by Endeavour
Summary: Taking a page from Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn Rory and her best friend crash a swanky party. Set about two years after the beginning of Season Six. You can't ever really move on when you're still haunted by your past.
1. Crashing into You

**Crashing into You**

Summary: Taking a page from Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn Rory and her best friend crash a swanky party. Set about two years after the beginning of Season Six.

I wrote this story purely for fun for me and hopefully for you. Enjoy.

----

"Rory!"

"Jimmy!"

"Check this out." He flung a scrap paper at her. She uncrumpled it reading the flyer.

"The Ritz what about it?"

"Word is there's going to be one swanky party going on. We're talking caviar and open bar, well you probably know. The richest of the rich."

"Yeah ball gowns, tuxes with tails, not really all they're cracked up to be Jim trust me on that. What about it?"

"What do you think of dusting off those high society manners and crashing with me?"

"I don't know Jimmy I've washed my hands of that life."

"C'mon Ror. Hot. Rich. Girls." He practically drewled.

"You always know what I want best Jim." She rolled her eyes at him.

"I'm sure there'll be plenty hot guys for you to choose from."

"Even so I don't think I can do that Jim you know me and my aversion of all that egotistical shit."

"For me Rory. Word has it this is _the_ ball of the year. I need my best crasher with me." He pouted and whimpered.

"Fine" she laughed. "But this is the one and only."

"One and only." He smiled.

"Where are you going to get tails?" She asked glancing back at the pile of articles she was filing. He looked left then right then back at Rory.

"Are you going to steal it from Wolfe again?"

"It's not stealing Ror its borrowing he'll never know it's missing he's got a whole closet full."

"You know there's a reason his name is Wolfe right?"

"Please, the man's like a puppy dog. What about you how are you going to be able to procure a hot little number?"

"I've got my ways." She slurred out suggestively.

"Oh you little hoochie."

She laughed. "It ain't like that, now stop bugging me I've got to finish this filing before I can leave and I need to leave soon if I'm going to be ready on time tonight."

"Right, okay I'll leave you alone pick you up at six-thirty."

Rory shook her head smiling as she continued to file the articles stopping to glean tips and writing styles to help her in her creative writing. Being the editor in chiefs assistant certainly had its perks.

----

The buzzer rang and she moved to the intercom by her apartment door. "On time as always Jimmy how many times do I have to tell you a lady likes a couple extra minutes to get ready?"

"What lady?" He deadpanned into the intercom. "The only one I see is the Queen painted above the elevator doors."

"You're right and seeing as I'm no lady I don't think I can go to this high society gig."

"No, No. I'm sorry you're a fine lady, you're Princess Di, fashioning stunning looks with grace."

"Ah flattery Mr. Raine will get you almost anything. I'll be down in a minute." She stepped away from the intercom grabbed her clutch and clicked down the hall. She waited for the elevator doors to open walking into the lobby. She spotted Jim his jaw dropping at the sight of her wearing a sparkling baby blue dress cut low with a v-neck ending knee length and angling up to mid-thigh on her left leg. Her hair she wore straight down with a few pieces held back by a glittering blue beret, blue high heel Jimmy Choos finishing the glamorous outfit. She spun for him, "How do I look?"

"Damn." He whistled. "Why did I never ask you out?"

"I think it was because I kept rejecting you." She quipped. "You look quite dapper, Wolfe knows how to pick'em doesn't he."

"That he does my dear. Shall we go?" He gestured toward the door.

"Let's crash this bitch." She laughed walking outside to a waiting limousine. "Limo, wow someone went all out."

"I wanted to look the part." He reasoned.

She double looked the driver. "Greg hey." She greeted Wolfe's chauffeur as she climbed in. "Jim this is Wolfes' limo."

"I know he offered it to me after he caught me in his wardrobe."

"He caught you?" She couldn't bite back the grin splitting her lips. "What happened?"

"After I told him why I needed to borrow his tux he laughed at me for a good three minutes like you are doing right now then offered me his limo and a good luck. I don't think he believed I could get in. He didn't know that I had a secret weapon who's so hot they'd have to sick themselves if they didn't let her in."

"Aw, shucks Pacey you're hot too."

They arrived at the Ritz, climbing out of the limo, they followed several other well dressed men and women up the grand staircase. "We're definitely at the right place." Jimmy whispered. Standing at the door he crooked his arm and laying on a horrible English accent chanted "Shall we go my dear?"

"Lets" She thread her arm through his and made their way to the ballroom. They both noted security checking names off of a clipboard. Rory leaned into Jimmy's ear. "Leave this to me."

"Name." One particularly burly man asked as they stood in front of the entrance to the ballroom.

"Steffi and this is Chase Decalmonto." She grinned at the man who didn't seem to need to blink.

"No one here by that name." He possessed a very deep voice.

"Oh ha." She giggled. "We're newly married see and I haven't gotten used to saying my husband's last name isn't that right honey ooh dear my phone is vibrating just a second it might be daddy." She fished in her small clutch bag in a hurried fashion accidentally on purpose dropping it by the mans feet. "Oops sorry. Could you, if I bend over my dress might ride up and my husband would be quite jealous if anyone else saw the show." The man grunted and dipped down to grab the phone. Rory leaned forward and glanced at the clipboard, there were no checkmarks she noticed. The man wasn't checking off who came in, all she had to do was pick a forgettable name. "Thank-you so much." She took the phone from him checking the caller ID. "Wrong number." She laughed.

"Name." He spoke as if he hadn't seen them before.

"Smythe with an e."

He scanned down his list nodded his head and ushered them in. "Alright come on in." They walked in like they owned the place getting earshot away from the security man. "You did it." Jim laughed.

"Did you ever have any doubt?"

"Of course not." He grabbed two glasses of white wine off a server's tray passing one to Rory. "Wow this is insane look at all the bling these people are wearing and you left this why?"

"It's a lot less glamour when you see what's under the surface." She took a sip scanning the crowd Jim was right about this being the richest of the rich.

"Come on." Rory followed Jim through the crowd watching him ogle the glamorous women laughing at the comments he threw out about the crowds and the stiff upper backs.

"Oh shit!" She let out a muffled cry stopping dead.

"What's wrong Casper?"

"Logan Huntzberger."

"Logan Huntzberger son of newspaper mogul and your ex what about him?" She lifted a shaky finger pointing at the blonde haired man about twenty feet away from them talking animatedly to an older grey-haired man.

"Shit!" Jimmy echoed Rory's earlier sentiment. "C'mon lets go he'll find us out and well you do not need to see him."

"Too late." She gulped as Logan made his way straight for them.

"Rory" Logan smiled pulling her into a hug. "What are you doing here? Still living under the influences of your grandparents?"

"Nope actually we're crashing, don't sue us."

"Rory Gilmore crashing a party. I can't see it."

"I've grown up. This is Jim Raine, Jim, Logan Huntzberger cocky ass extraordinaire." Logan raised an eyebrow at her comment.

"I've grown up too Ror. Nice to meet you Jim and don't worry your crashing will stay quiet at least from me."

"Same here Logan, you're a lot less shiny then Rory described."

"Rory talks about me?" He asked surprised.

"Oh you know only to get ahead." She swatted at Jim. "Just kidding she'd never use anyone…like that." He laughed. "Now I see a hot blonde catching my eye so if you'll excuse me." He walked off leaving the two alone.

"So I guess that answers my next question to whether you two are an item."

"Nah Jim's just a big good goofy friend." They fell into an awkward silence each unsure of the other.

"C'mon Rory lets get a drink and catch up I wanna know what you're doing now." He broke the silence and grabbed her hand dragging her over to the bar knowing she'd bolt given the chance.

----

_Hey Logan it's Rory it seems like I'm always leaving a message these days just phoning to see if we're doing anything this weekend give me a call._

_Hey Rory. I can't make it to see you this weekend I'm…God I never thought I'd say this studying for upcoming midterms you've had way too much of an influence Gilmore. Call me okay?_

_----_

"So let's see is the Bellini still your favourite dink?"

"You got it Huntzberger."

"We'll have a Bellini and a double gin and tonic." Logan grabbed the drinks from the bartender and walked over to an empty table. "So how've you been Ace did you land on your feet?"

----

_Hey Ace I haven't heard from you in a while sorry I've been so concentrated on school. Anyway I'm at your Grandparents house you evidently aren't here but the whole gang's going to Milo's Pub, give me a call or just come down._

_-_

"_Ace you made it." Logan pulled Rory down on the bench beside him placing a kiss on her cheek._

"_Yeah I did." She half smiled._

"_What's up Rory? You don't seem yourself."_

_She turned to him her voice serious. "How much have you had to drink Logan?"_

"_Umm not enough to be asked that question do I have loser penned on my forehead or something?"_

"_No but I need to talk to you." The table echoes uhoh's. Rory squirmed feeling six interested eyes on her._

"_Okay." Logan got up following Rory outside._

"_Logan" She stated unsure of how to proceed._

"_Rory." He countered confused._

"_Ha" she laughed nervously. "It's time to go our separate ways we haven't spent much time together the last few months anyway I just feel like we need to break up as a couple. You should focus on your schooling and I need to get my life in order." She sighed out the last few words ashamed and confused about where she was heading._

"_I don't know what to say Rory this isn't what I wanted to happen you mean a lot to me I think I may even love you, don't do this. We can work on it I'll make time."_

"_No" she shook her head her eyes welling with tears. "I can't do that I need to figure things out on my own we need to figure things out on our own. But I will always have a special place in my heart no matter how Titanic-cheesy that sounds." They shared a hug each holding on tight. "Do you want to come in for one last drink?" He asked when they pulled apart._

"_No I better go." She walked backwards a few steps._

"_I'll miss you Ace." She felt the tears fall from her cheeks but let a smile grace her features nodding to him before turning her back on him._

----

She smiled at the blonde sitting across from her. "I'm happy now it's not how I pictured I'd get where I want to be but it's a hell of a lot more interesting and I'm doing it on my own terms."

"You're your mother's daughter that's for sure."

"Yes I am." She smiled proudly.

"You and your Mom you two are good now?"

"Yeah it took awhile but she finally accepted what I was doing after I moved out of Emily and Richards and into my own place, we speak regularly now."

"And what is it that you're doing?"

"Well I'm working as the editor's assistant at the _Boston Carrier_ its not great but I get to read all the articles and it works with my night school at Boston Community College. I'm taking the journalism program there. It's an awesome course. What about you Logan did all the studying pay off?"

"Thanks to you Gilmore I earned top marks in my graduating class it didn't seem to change my father's opinion though he sent me to London, England to work at his paper there, to 'grow up.' However taking on my Rory hat I worked my ass off impressed my bosses there moved up the ladder until my father noticed which leads me to why I'm here in Boston."

"Well don't keep me in suspense Perry."

"My father is starting up a paper here and I'll be editor in chief."

"Wow Logan that's awesome!"

"It's all thanks to you Ace."

"Logan." She protested.

"I wouldn't say that if I didn't mean it. You know me."

"Whew" Jim took a seat at their table interrupting the burning tension.

"Where's your hot blonde Jimmy?" Rory asked her eyes twinkling with laughter, the moment past but not forgotten.

"With her husband I swear every one of these girls are married or engaged, Logan better tell me which one is yours, one less I'll have to be turned down by." Logan laughed joined by Rory.

"I'm here by myself my sister was supposed to join me but her plane was delayed from Seattle and she couldn't make it. I showed up to put the word out about the paper normally I try to avoid these things." He explained himself. "I can tell you that that redhead over there…" He nodded his chin toward the bar where a lone woman was ordering a drink. "…is single and looking for new meat."

"Logan you're a good man." He clapped Logan on the shoulder twinkling at Rory before leaving for the redhead. Rory and Logan sat in silence both burning to say something but not knowing what.

The Dolphin's Cry blasted from the speakers in its acoustic version and Logan abruptly sprung from his chair standing in front of Rory he outstretched his hand. "Dance with me Ace."

She looked up at him their eyes once again locking. She didn't want to take that hand knew that the moment she did she wouldn't look back. She wanted to resist. She still loved Logan she knew she did, knew it when she broke up with him knew it with every guy she had gone out with since, but she couldn't fall back on him it would be like falling backwards.

"I can't Logan." She pleaded for him to understand he didn't seem to pick up on it though.

"Come on Ace for old time's sake."

"Old times sake." She arched an eyebrow questioning his thought process.

"Okay then for new times sake. One dance Rory."

She sighed and knew she had lost. "Okay Logan." She placed her hand in his feeling the warmth of his touch spread through her body. She clasped her right in his left and her left on his shoulder; his right was wrapped around her waist. Every place he touched her glowed she wished uncontrollable for a distraction anything to keep her body from out competing her rational mind.

"So Rory." She let out a breath as he broke the silence and temporarily shut down the waging war between body and mind. "Now that we're kind of caught up on one another's lives and I'm heading a newspaper here and you're working here I want you on my staff, granted you'd have to start at the bottom facts checker small stuff but there'd be ample room to move up the ladder much faster than as the editor's assistant."

"Wow Logan that would be…wait this isn't some ploy to get me in your bed is it?"

"May I remind you I've already had you in my bed." He laughed as she blushed slightly. "In all seriousness Rory dating aside you had the work ethic of a horse and I want people like that at this paper, plus I've seen you're work. So what do you say?"

"I say yes." She answered enthusiastically. "Oh but Jim."

"What about him?"

"He'd be pissed if I left him behind."

"Well bring him to the office with his features I'll take a look and we can go from there."

"Alright." Her blue eyes twinkled in the lights. The song ended at the same moment the conversation did a weird coincidence that Rory secretly thanked. "I think I need a drink to celebrate." Rory spoke excited.

"Great minds think alike." Logan concurred making a path to the bar. They sat again at the table Rory with a long island iced tea and Logan with a scotch on the rocks. "So what's Finn up to?" Rory asked loosening up as her drink disappeared at a rapid rate.

"Finn my Australian friend has taken his dashing good looks into acting where he will soon be the hunky scheming boyfriend to Mimi Lockhart who wants revenge on Belle and her ex-husband Shawn Brady."

"What!" Rory snorted with laughter.

"His words. The thing is I can see him doing it he's always had a flair for the dramatics."

"That he has." She concurred slurping the last of her drink. "Just a sec." She grabbed her glass and clicked off for a refill. Coming back she saw Logan staring at her wide eyed. "What?" She asked sitting back in the chair.

"A little thirsty?" She ignored his slight at her and went on with her interview of sorts. "So what about Colin?"

"Ah Colin now he's done the truly unexpected he's engaged, going to be married in two months to none other than Stephanie or as you called her…"

"Gorilla girl." Rory yelped a little louder than she had anticipated.

"Right you are Bob."

"Wow Colin married. I can't see it." She shook her head vigorously the alcohol kicking in. "Finally" she breathed quietly.

"Finally?" Logan asked.

"Oh nothing. So what's Colin doing?"

"Working under his father in his firm in the insurance biz, he won't admit it but he loves it."

"Now _that_ I can see he always seemed the most workable for me."

"Workable? I don't think that's a word Vanna."

"Oh it's a word it means to be able to commit to a job." Rory answered like she knew what she was talking about.

"Okay!?" He raised an eyebrow at her. "So what about Paris is she still scary as hell?"

"Yep." Rory laughed. "And still planning on being a doctor God help those patients." She laughed harder, Logan joining in.

"No I'm kidding Paris is still a little crazy but she's working on her people manners she's greatly improved. I don't get to talk to her much though."

"That's too bad."

"Yeah." Rory took a suck on the straw of her drink. Jim came beaming over to Rory. "So I'm going to get going. Rosanna and I are going for dessert. You okay getting home from here?"

"Yeah I've got plenty of cab fare. Go!" He sped off she yelled after him. "Don't eat too much dessert Jimmy it's bad for the stomach."

Now that Jim was gone Rory had no desire to stay with Logan with no safety buffer between them especially since she'd drunken too much. "Look Logan thanks for the job I really appreciate it. I'm going to get going I'll leave you to mingle and talk shop."

He nodded knowing he'd see Rory again he wasn't willing to let her walk out of his life again. "I'll walk you to the door." She nodded the fact he hadn't fought her decision to go made her pang for him even more, the fight between body and mind renewed once again. They walked out the doors standing at the top of the stairs. "It was good seeing you again Ace."

"You too Logan." He unexpectedly pulled Rory into a hug. She felt the fires of desire rush up and down her spine. She pushed it down with her rational mind pulling out of the hug she gave Logan a smile and turned walking down the stairs. Her body and mind still raged. Her memory played the most comforting moments with Logan; laying in his arms safe secure everything seeming conquerable, remembered the way he made her laugh and put up with her strange behaviours. Her body won. She turned on her heel Logan still stood where she'd left him. She bounded up the stairs well whatever bounded looked in heels, and then she was kissing him her arms in his hair pulling him closer to her. Their lips meeting causing fire to race down to her toes to every part of her. His hands brushing up and down her back igniting every nerve in her body. She broke the kiss panting for air her eyes filled with lust looking into his. She pulled him closer so her lips reached his ears. "Talk shop another time." She whispered, her breath playing on his neck. She felt a shiver run down his body and brushed his neck with her lips.

----

_So how did you like it? Please Review._


	2. I Don't Know

_Wow I can honestly say I was not expecting that many reviews so thank-you so much! Some response to your reviews, for those worried it may go too fast read on my friends your fears will soon be dashed, aww thanks to everyone who said they loved it I'm so grateful for your feedback, for AbbyRae I want to help make sense of my story so let me know what was confusing was it a particular spot or just the story in general? So I'll stop blabbing now and let you read…_

_**I don't Know**_

----

She stretched her legs lazily feeling the sleep drain from her muscles, she couldn't remember ever feeling so comfortable in her bed before. She stretched her arms outwards and her right came in contact with warm flesh it shocked her and the events of last night came rushing back to her. She turned her head slowly hoping and praying it was all just a dream and she hadn't turned her straight forward and simple life into a complicated ex-boyfriend sort of way, but their was Logan Huntzberger sleeping like a baby beside her. She wanted to scream, scream at the top of her lungs in fright in confusion in anger. But she wouldn't, quickly and quietly she turned rolling out of the bed scooping up her clothes from around the room and quickly dressing she fled the room to safety. Hailing a cab her mind flew back to the room run from, why was she so upset she had slept with Logan before in fact she had had one night stands before so why was this one so different? Was it because she knew she still loved him? She had taken that love and put it out of mind it was a harmless love until last night when she saw him after two and half years, it all came back every hurt of that love. They say love burns, she didn't think they meant quite like she was feeling at that particular moment.

Rory slunk out of the cab at her desired destination tipping the cab driver generously for no reason she could justify. She walked to the apartment doors and rang in suite twenty two waiting for Jim to answer she didn't care how early it was or if he had some woman probably that Rosanna he left with. This mess was naturally all his fault. Waiting another half a minute she rang again…and again. On the fourth try he answered grumpily.

"Jimmy g'morning hope I'm not helping the hangover! Open Up!"

She didn't get a reply but the door buzzed open and she swung it open and made her way to the second floor and suite twenty-two. She rapped on the door and it swung open seconds later.

"Rory" he spoke groggily. "What are you doing here?"

"I had sex with Logan." She reported bluntly walking into his apartment. "Is anyone else here?" She turned to look at him in his flannel pyjama pants.

"No we didn't get that…wait you slept with Logan, oh my God what the hell happened?"

"I don't know." She sank onto the couch. He was there and we have so much history. I still love him but oh God why did I reopen that can of worms?"

Jim rubbed a hand across his face. "Just a sec who came on to who?"

"I came onto him I kissed him. I never wanted this to happen I had too much to drink I let my body win I don't want to be with him."

"Ror let me get this straight you love him but you don't want to be with him that doesn't make sense." He shook his head stepping closer to her.

"I'm living my own life now Jim Logan's part of the past no matter how much I love him." She looked at him pleadingly. He rubbed a hand through his hair trying to think all this through. "Rory maybe Logan can be a part of your new life this life it's a different time a different place things _could_ turn out differently." He sat beside her draping an arm around her shoulders pulling her close.

"I don't know" she said tiredly leaning into him.

"Come on its five thirty in the morning maybe things will seem clearer on the other side of the sunrise. You can borrow a shirt and sweats." She nodded thankful for Jim he always knew what she needed. Changing into the shirt and sweats she climbed under the covers falling asleep almost immediately.

-

Waking to the smell of coffee and a burning hangover her nose led her to the food.

"Hey Babe you feeling better now?"

"No" she replied groggily reaching for the coffee mug he held for her. "But this will help." She took a gulp of the coffee feeling it warm its way down.

"Here you go bacon and pancakes."

"Wow why is it that I never dated you?" She looked up with thankful eyes.

"I think it's the multiple times I rejected you."

"Oh right." They both chuckled quietly minding their headaches. It was a running joke between the two after having hooked up for a night of 'summer lovin' they had realized they weren't meant to be more than friends. In which they did and very close friends at that.

"So what are you going to do about Logan?" He asked well on his way to devouring his food.

She shook her head slowly watching her food, speaking in an almost inaudible voice she mouthed, "I don't know."

-

After breakfast she grabbed a quick shower and pulled on her clothes from the night before. Walking into Jim's living room towel drying her hair she spotted Jim watching television from the luxury of his couch.

"Hey so I didn't tell you the news."

"Good or bad?" He asked distractedly.

"Good."

"Lay it on me."

"Logan offered us, you and me jobs at the newspaper he's opening."

"What?" His full attention now on her.

"Well you have to bring in your résumé and portfolio but you're practically a lock if you want it. It's at the bottom of the chain but with your credentials you'd probably shoot up it."

"Sounds awesome thanks Rory. I assume you've got the number."

"Uh…yeah…"

"But its Logan your ex who you still love but not love and who you just had sex with. Rory I'm just going to come out and say this, this whole thing is messed up and you have two options phone Logan tell him how you feel and be happy or two don't call him don't take the job he offered, others _will_ come along and leave him where he was in your life a piece of Rory history." She opened her mouth to comment but he silenced her with his hand. "But let me tell you this I know you pretty dang well, I've met your mother for Pete's sake and I think that speaks for itself and I have never seen you the way you were last night you were glowing you can deny and deny all you want but it's the whole truth and nothing but."

She sat staring at him she had no idea what to say.

"Wow Rory Gilmore speechless that's only happened what two, three times?"

"Be quiet." She threw a pillow at him. "Let's go you ready?" She pulled her hair into a bun.

"Yep let's go." Jim grabbed his keys and jacket following Rory into the hallway and locking the door behind. They walked wordlessly into the elevator before Jim elbowed her gently in the arm. "Whatchya thinking?"

"That I'm going to have to kick your white ass for knowing me too well. Seriously it's scary that you know me like that."

"Hey what can I say I'm an intuitive guy." Rory burst out laughing and laughed her way off the elevators.

"What I am. Chicks like that." He protested she just laughed harder. "Why are you laughing?"

"I…don't…know…" She managed to get out.

----

Two days past before she got up the nerve to call Logan from the schools cafeteria. Keeping it all business Rory set up a meeting between Logan Jim and herself cutting the ending short so Logan had no time to get personal. Even with what Jimmy had told her she was determined to avoid Logan with all her might so she had neither to choose option A or B.

----

"Come on Rory."

"Five minutes Jimmy I told you."

"At least buzz me in I can help you pick out your clothes."

"What do you know about clothes?"

"You can try them on and I'll tell you if they're hot or not." The door buzzed and he opened it following his well worn route to her apartment. She was waiting for him her head stuck outside the door. Jimmy was ushered in the door and he looked around at her floor littered with clothes. "I thought you didn't care about making a statement?"

"Of course I don't I'm so over Logan, but I can't look like a bum"

"Of course." Though he wasn't convinced.

"Sit on the couch" She shuffled to her room emerging a few moments later in a long sleeved v-neck shirt and flashy skirt. Jim shook his head and she shut the door coming out in a blouse and black pants he shook his again and she zipped back into her room. This time she wore a knee length black skirt matched to a blue long sleeved top with a small sparkling faux diamond cross necklace.

"Hot" Jimmy complimented. "It's dressed up enough for the interview but casual enough to seem like you went to no trouble."

"Have you been watching _What not to Wear_ again Jim?" She teased calling out from inside her room.

"Possibly." He muttered. She grabbed a pair of shoes, her bag filled with her résumé and features. "Let's go Stacy."

"Once I watched it once." He cried.

"Okay" She laughed as they stepped onto the elevator.

----

They stepped off the elevator on the sixth floor of the Bershley building. The floor was abuzz with carpenters putting in lights and constructing office spaces. They took a tentative step forwards looking for some sign of Logan. "Are you sure he said today?"

"Pretty sure." Rory answered back. They stood unsurely in the center of the entrance room no one looked at them twice. Just as Rory was about to suggest they leave Logan appeared from somewhere to Jim and Rory's left. He approached them a smile lighting his face, he stuck out his hand for Rory. "Rory." He spoke professionally she took his hand shaking it while looking at Jim giving him a wide eyed look trying to convey her awkwardness and surprise towards Logan's greeting.

Logan dropped Rory's hand and moved toward Jim. "Jim good to see you again. Follow me." He turned on his heel.

Rory looked over at Jim again who shrugged his shoulders. They followed Logan through the hall; he looked over his shoulder once to warm them of falling chunks of ceiling. Logan opened a yellow wood door and ushered the two in. He closed the door behind them shutting out the din of the carpenters and making his way behind the mahogany desk, the focal point of the room.

"So Jim Rory tells me you are an excellent writer." Logan started.

"I put my heart and soul into the pieces I write and I hope to God they turn out with as much fervour as I put in them."

"Cool lets see your stuff." Jimmy unzipped his bag and pulled out the portfolio of his articles. Logan skimmed through a couple of the articles before retraining his eyes on Jimmy. "From what I've just read I can't call you a liar."

"Thank-you."

"I want you on this paper, why don't you just tell me a bit about your schooling and life."

"Okay well I took graduated with top honours among the graduating class of Columbia school of Journalism. After graduation I decided to travel around Europe for a year coming back I looked for a stable job but couldn't find one that suited me so I did some freelance writing. I landed the job at the _Boston Carrier_ about a year and a half ago. I've been at the bottom or near it for most of that time there's just not enough room to advance, with so many writers already on staff."

"Cool you sound like a perfect fit here, why don't you fill this out for me you can go through the door to the right there and I'll talk to Rory."

"Sure." He gave Rory a surreptitious look grabbing the sheet of paper and heading to the door. When Jim had shut the door Logan turned to Rory. "Jim seems like an awesome guy thanks for recommending him."

"Yeah…sure." She lifted her hand.

"Look Rory…"

"I know Logan I shouldn't have run off like that the other morning but that can't happen again I've left that in the past."

"That's great Rory but I was going to say that looking at Jim's work I want to hire him as a columnist I thought it would be fair since you recommended him that I let you know first so it won't be a surprise. I owe you that."

"Oh…sure." She repeated herself.

"You are an amazing writer and I have no doubt you'll move up the ladder quickly once you've graduated your schooling or possibly even faster if you still have the same go as you did when we were still together."

"Logan…"

"So why don't you fill this out and I can give you the details closer to the opening."

"Oh sure." She felt dumb what the hell had just happened?

"Great. Here you go I'll be right back." He exited the room going back into the hallway. Rory sat staring blankly at the sheet of paper. Jim rested a hand on her shoulder and she jumped from shock. "Didn't go so well Rory?"

She shook her head mutely. "He treated me like shit I guess I deserve that."

"Maybe you did Rory maybe you both deserve to be treated like shit by each other."

"Thanks Jim I feel much better." Sarcasm dripping from her tongue.

"I wasn't trying to make you feel better I was telling you the utter truth because you need it and I am your best friend after your Mom."

"You're right." She sighed lifting a pen and starting to fill out the sheet Logan had handed her. Finishing she put the paper in the middle of Logan's desk just as he re-entered the office. "I'm done Logan."

"Thanks I'll call you when I have more information."

"Great." She stepped around him and exited the office.

Logan gave her no second look. "Jim it was good seeing you again and I'll get back to you when I have more details."

"Great thanks Logan and it was good to see you again." They shook hands over Logan's desk before Jim made his way to the door. He rested his hand on the doorknob something holding him back. "I know what you're doing Logan." He looked back at the blonde man at his desk. "But it's not going to work. Rory worked hard to forget she isn't going to work that hard to remember when you treat her like crap. She'll probably kill me for telling you this but when she moved here she was a complete wreck, confused, hurt, lost, you were part of that lots of drunken nights were spent crying over you, when she finally started turning around you were put in the past compartmentalized away so she wouldn't hurt so bad. Then you come back into her life and things re-emerge and you treat her like that she figures its better all in the past. If you love her Logan you'll make it better in the future you'll ask her what really happened those two years since she left you 'cause that's the real story Logan not the fluffy one she probably painted for you." He swung the door open and left the office without waiting for a response.

Finding Rory at the elevators he wrapped an arm around her shoulders hoping she'd be okay he didn't want to see her slip again.

_So how'd you like it? Please Review. _


	3. Where have you been?

Hi all its been a while I know that pesky life got in the way, but I'm back with another chapter now hope you enjoy.

You are entering the world of fiction. Suspend all beliefs now.

_**Where have you been?**_

---

_Rory Gilmore sat at the bar in a pub just outside of Boston. It was a small pub ten minutes from nowhere and five minutes from the heart of Beantown. The place was a haven for truckers and passer-by's but it was clean kept and well maintained making it a popular spot for all the locals as well. Rory loved it for its anonymity and its reputation of making a strong and kickass rum and anything or scotch or…the list goes on and on seriously it runs halfway across the room. _

_It was exactly fourteen days since she had moved out of the pool house at her grandparent's mansion and into a small motel on the outskirts of Boston. Most of those days were spent sleeping, the blinds closed to the joys of the sun, only did she come out like a vampire when the sun was setting and the world was covered in darkness, deceptions difficult to find and easy to create. The nights were spent in this bar drinking and thinking in the haze. Her thoughts often dark like the night leading to darker and darker ones until they hit the stone wall of drunkenness. Then she was lost in the spin, in the fuzzy quiet of her mind. It was on this night the night after unlucky number thirteen that she lost what fight she had left in her, a night where she met a man who turned everything she would ever be into something she never thought she had. _

_The dark haired and blue eyed brooding man sat himself on the stool beside her. "Rum and coke and a refill for hers." Drinks came and were put in front of Rory and her seatmate. She side glanced the man finished off her drink and took the one he had offered her greedily. "Thanks." She slurred._

"_Don't worry about it." He oozed charm and she fell for it. "You new in town? You've been here almost every night for two weeks."_

"_Been watching me?" Her eyebrow ticked up._

"_Maybe."_

"_Not sure what I think about that."_

"_Take it as a compliment."_

"_Oh no I can't do that."_

"_And why not?" he queried._

"_Compliments are reserved for happy me when I can appreciate them."_

"_Is that so?"_

"_Yep." She nodded in fevered affirmation._

"_And you're not happy I take it drowning your sorrows in alcohol."_

"_I'm not drowning I don't drown I'm merely taking in the sights and drinking these wonderful concoctions Bill here is whipping up for me."_

"_Sights?" He questioned sweeping his gaze over the smoke filled tavern. "Come on." He stood up beckoning at her._

"_What?"_

"_I'll take you to a real sight."_

"_And why should I trust you?"_

"_Hmm…well you can take a chance on me see something really cool or you can stay here and enjoy old men and their butt cracks." She sucked on her straw in contemplation. What did she really have to lose? Even if he was an axe murderer she wasn't living for anything. She was a black hole._

"_Alright show me this real sight." She paid off the bartender and followed the mystery man out the door into the cool night. No one spoke as he led her behind the bar and onto a gravel path walking ever deeper into the night. They walked for a good fifteen minutes before coming into a wide field. _

"_Here we are." He threw his arms outwards._

"_Here?" She looked around her, absolutely nothing. Quiet. Just like her._

"_Come on." He laughed at the confusion playing on her face; he knew what that was like. He sprawled on the grass and felt her crumple down beside him. She stared up at the night air the sky twinkled with billions of white stars glowing clearly against the black of night, no lights drowned them out and they blazed in all their glory. The man shifted beside her a small ember glowed in his hand and he took a puff. He passed it over and she took it between her fingers smelt the distinct smell of marijuana she shrugged as she considered her options and took a pull coughing at the unusual sensation. _

"_Newbie?" The man asked startling her._

"_Yeah." She took another pull quelling her reaction to cough and passed the joint back._

"_Why'd you bring me here?" She asked as they continued their pass and pull._

"_Gets me away from the insane." He answered smoothly subtly avoiding the answer._

"_You live around here?" He asked.  
"Motel." She answered. "But I'm running out of cash flow real quick. You?"_

"_I live on what everyone who doesn't live there and everyone who does live there call Slummers lane."_

"_Where's that?"_

"_It's where all the down on their luck no money to give, live."_

"_Any place for me there?"_

"_I've got a nice floor, probably score you a mattress and blankets. Come by in the morning and I can show you."_

"_Great maybe after here, I mean the suns going to be up in a couple of hours."_

"_Sure, I'm Mack by the way."_

"_Rory I'm Rory."_

"_Nice to meet you Rory." Mack lit another joint and they sat in silence watching the vastness of space devour them leaving a giant gaping hole._

----

She unlocked her apartment door and kicked off her shoes entering and stretching her toes out onto her carpet. She changed into her sweats and tee letting her hair fall down her back. Munching on her reheated Chinese dinner she clicked on her answering machine, the automated woman told her she had one new message. She sat on the couch clicking on the television almost forgetting about her messages.

_Rory hey its Logan, I'm sorry about Monday I was having a crappy day and well that's no excuse but I was stupid to treat you like that._ There was a long pause and she thought maybe he had hung up but he went on shortly. _Rory what happened in those three years we weren't in touch?_ He spoke so quietly she almost couldn't hear him. _What's the truth? Why have you been so reclusive? _There was dead air for a few moments and she waited for him to go on but then the answering machine cut off and the automated lady told her end of messages.

Suddenly she wasn't in her living room anymore she was in another life one that hurt her where it counted, right below the heart and into the gut, where it made its wearer want to vomit their insides.

"_Rory."_

"_Mack?" She asked groggily into the dark._

"_Who else would it be?"_

"_Joe, Crishma, the devil?"_

"_You're a funny girl."_

"_I try."_

"_Come on, I want to take you somewhere."_

"_Why?" she whined._

"_Because you moved in here two days ago and all you've done is sleep."_

"_Yeah well…"_

"_I know what you're thinking but most of the people who live here are just down on their luck, like you and me they're struggling artists have you ever heard of a struggling construction worker?"_

"_No but…"_

"_Besides I thought you were all whatever with life so why are you scared of a couple of strangers?"_

"_Mack." She groaned._

"_These people Rory they're just trying to make it on their own, we're all given a bum rap because the media focuses on the bad the drug addicts and pimps they never bring attention to those who are trying to live a clean life."_

"_I never thought of that." She conceded._

"_Now come on I want to show you something." She groaned stretching her back from the hard mattress. _

"_Alright."_

"_Let's go."_

_They trudged out of the building into the clear cold night air. Mack led the way through the streets and alleyways and up a sloping incline for about half an hour. Mack turned around at the end of the rolling hill and swept his arms in front of him. "Now look."_

_Rory turned around her breath catching at the sight of the city laid out before her thousands of twinkling lights marking every person living down there. "Wow." She breathed._

"_Pretty cool huh?"_

"_Yeah"_

"_I come up here often. Reminds me how small we all really are."_

_They found a clear open spot and lay on the grass. An ember glowed in Mack's hand and Rory heard him inhale and blow out the smoke._

"_Why do you smoke that?"_

_He took another puff thoughtfully. "I don't know really, just helps calm me down from a hectic day or week."_

"_Oh." She answered and he offered her the joint. "No thanks." She waved it off. "It's just not my forte." _

"_Alright the bud isn't for everyone." She lay down on the grass and looked up at the stars, the city trying to imitate its vast depth._

"_So Mack tell me your story."_

"_Not much to tell, my parents were killed in a fatal car crash."_

"_I'm sorry."  
"It's alright I can talk about it now, it was a drunk driver blew a red light and jack knifed the car I still remember the moment I found out I think I lost a part of myself then. I was put in a foster home for two years before my aunt and uncle claimed me I lived with them until I was eighteen and graduated. Not that I wasn't grateful for them for taking me in but they had a full house as it was, so next thing I knew I was living out here trying to make it as a musician."_

"_Wow some story."_

"_What about you Rory if I may say you don't seem to have been living in the low income side of things for a very long time."_

"_Hmm…no I left home…well my real home about a year and a half ago lived with my grandparents I left their house about a month ago, I don't know why I did any of it to tell you the truth." She stared out. "Struggling to find myself I guess."_

"_Aren't we all." He whispered in reply. They fell into silence the fires of the city and stars burning true and strong offering comforting wisdom to those who took the time to hear it._

The buzzer jolted her from the past and she heaved a heavy sigh and got up to answer it.

"Yep." She spoke into her side of the intercom.

"It's me let me up."

"Hmm…I dunno Jim should I let you up?" She played.

"C'mon Rory its cold out here I'm freezing my buns off."

Rory screamed with laughter, "Just for uttering that phrase I'll let you in."

"Knew it would work." She could almost hear him smiling. The door buzzed open for him and he made his way up the apartment.

"So this is a surprise." Rory greeted Jim hugging him at the door.

"I was in the neighbourhood."

"Jim you live in the neighbourhood."

"What's your point?"

"One doesn't usually say they were just in the neighbourhood when they live in said neighbourhood."

"Sorry Rory I didn't know I needed a reason to visit my best friend hence the lame excuse." He reported walking into her living room.

"Well for future reference chocolate is always a good reason."

"I'll make a note of that." He laughed.

"Good." Rory called back at him from the kitchen. Jim made his way to the kitchen and found Rory rooting through her freezer.

"Whatchya doing digger?"

"Looking for my ice cream, but I guess I ate it all." She shut the door and turned to Jim.

"Come on we're going to the store."

"In your sweats?"

"Yes in my sweats is that a problem?"

"No no problem." Jim surrendered. Rory was already out the door hopping from toe to toe Jim kicked himself into high gear and skedaddled out the door.

----

_The sun rose bleeding its rays across the landscape. Mack stood patting the dust off his jeans. "Come on." He extended his arm for Rory. She took it, rough calloused met smooth skin, and he pulled her up. They slowly made their way back to the building. "Wait here I just have to grab a couple things from the room." Rory nodded leaning against the building watching the sun grow. Mack returned with a guitar strapped to his back he thrust a plastic egg shaped shaker into Rory's hand._

"_What's this?" She looked from the egg to Mack._

"_It's a rattle or shaker it produces music by moving it up and down."_

"_Don't mock me Mack. What do I do with it?"_

"_Rory you're living on no income in the slums not even on your own with me in my hovel on a mattress. That right there is your meal ticket, play with me and we'll split the tips."_

"_Oh…thanks." She spoke a little overwhelmed._

"_Follow me." He led her through the streets to the corner of Broc and Howe. Sitting against a white faced building guitar in his lap and case at his feet he began strumming. Rory kept beat. Tips came in the size of quarters a few came in dollars even fivers. All were thanked. _

"_How do you do it Mack?" Rory asked when they took a breather, overwhelmed with everything going on around her._

"_Well first you seduce a woman for you a man…" He joked._

"_Mack." She laughed. "How do you live here how can you make your life like this?"_

_He looked her in the eyes letting her search his soul. "Its never been a choice for me where I could live I never had a chance to go to college I barely finished high school. I don't remember what its like to live anywhere else this is my home here and believe it or not I like it here there's no societal pressures here everyone's just fighting to be alive to live in the moment. One day I'll move up in the world but not right now. Besides you need me." He grinned at her._

"_I'd say I don't but I do and you know it." She smiled her face lighting and her eyes twinkling with something extra. It was then he saw Rory as she was, she'd do great things he knew it, he was just one of her stepping blocks. He began playing on his guitar again letting the conversation end there._

----

"So what's up Rory?"

"What do you mean?"

"The impatience, the sweats not that they're bad, ice cream, junk food galore, its your code for help me I'm doing a Sylvia Plath."

"It is not." She retorted.

"Is it Logan?"

"No." She responded quickly. "Well…I can't do it Jim I can't tell Logan what happened." Jim let Rory par the cashier for her purchases. They walked out of the store Jim pulled her close arm around her shoulders. "C'mon girl I think you need some serious chocolate ice cream." She smiled up at him, safe at his side."

-

"So Logan phoned me and left me this message." She clicked the play button and let Jim listen.

"Wow sounds like he's trying Ror."

"I know you told him." They sat at her table facing each other eating the icecream.

"What?" Jim played dumb.

"I'm not mad Jim I know you only do what you think is best for me. I'm not sure this was one of those times."

"Oh Rory I didn't tell him anything I only told him to not act like an ass and get to really know you again. I left all the hard stuff to you."

"Oh geez thanks." She layed thick on the sarcasm.

"You two needed a kick in the arse." Rory arched an eyebrow at him but didn't give him any more fodder.

----

_Rory kept beat as Mack strummed along on his guitar, a hat sat in front of them trying to collect some extra cash._

"_Hey sweets, I've got two crisp Benji's for your services." A man in leather with crude black hair sidled up to Rory._

_Rory looked up at the man who loomed over her. "I don't do that." She shook her head coolly and resumed her shaker._

"_Come on now, you can't say no I'm offering you business."_

"_That'd be great if that was my business but it's not. Get lost!" She spoke sternly aware of life on the streets now. Mack tensed beside her ready to step in if needed but letting Rory handle it first._

"_I said let's go I know you need the money." He bent down trying to grab at her and she smelt the waves of alcohol waft off him. Mack leapt up the moment he saw the man grab at Rory. "She said No now get the hell out of here, I feel sorry for any girl who had to touch your weasley mouth."_

_The man staggered back a few steps thrown off by Macks sudden outburst he regained his footing quickly however and came at Mack. "You ungrateful rag." He growled swinging at Mack but missing contact. A few seconds later Mack made contact with the man's face causing him to stagger back hard. Rory gathered the stuff and pushed Mack down the street while the man was still clutching his face. Fuming Mack walked beside Rory mumbling under her breath._

"_Easy boy."_

"_That bastard has no right treating anyone like that."_

"_No he doesn't no one does he also isn't worth a trip to the station."_

"_I'm not so sure about that Rory."_

"_Come on Mack, drinks on me." She pushed Mack into the bar and followed him glancing over her shoulder the man was long out of sight but the experience was still fresh. She let out a shuddered breath and felt Mack's arm go around her shoulder "C'mon lil' sis I want that drink."_

"_lil'?" She asked offended, as they shared a laugh._

----

"Ror, Rory."

"Huh?"

"Where'd you go?"

"I…nowhere." She stood up her chair scraping the floor. "I got to get something from my room." She stalked off to her room. Jim watched after her concerned he could sense she wasn't in a good place. He got up and went to her room knocking on the door. "Rory?"

There was no answer and absolutely no sound. "Rory I'm coming in."

He turned the knob and the door swung inwards he stepped inside groping for the light switch otherwise blind. The light switched on. He almost gasped at the sight of her. She was crumpled in the foetal position at the foot of her bed shaking.

"Rory! Rory." He rubbed her shoulder.

"I can't…I can't…"

"Rory calm down." He lifted her up and set her on her bed climbing in beside her holding her close. "Rory its okay. Come back." He clung to her. "Rory, Rory."

Her name grounded her and she felt the warmth from his body warm the chill that ran through her body. She stopped shaking closed her eyes and slipped into a fitful sleep filled with images of her and Logan overlapping images of her and Jim and Mack and the constant background of a dark gaping hole. Her eyes shot open. The sun made its way through her blinds its light a sharp contrast to her mood. Slowly she extracted herself from Jim and her bed and made her way to the phone in her living room. The clock shone seven forty five.

The cell phone rang twice before it was picked up. "Hello?" There was silence Rory sat on the other side of the phone, ear pressed to the receiver. "Hello?" The voice spoke again.

"Logan."

"Rory?"

"Yes. What are you doing right now?"

"Nothing really. Rory I'm…"

"Logan sshh I'm coming to pick you up."

"Now?"

"Yes where are you?"

"At home."

"What's the address?"

"You've been here."

There was a long pause the lines crackling with static. "I didn't get a good look at the place." She responded quickly.

"640 Parc Street I'll wait outside."

"I'll be there. Fifteen minutes." She returned the phone to its cradle breathing a sigh of pent up nerves. She had no idea what she was going to say or do but she needed to do something. She pulled on her blue hoodie and her shoes grabbed her keys and wallet and scribbling a note for Jim when he woke, _Phoned Logan I'll be back,_ she hurried out the door. Stepping out of the apartment building the dark storm clouds rolled over the sun and the city grew dark. She ran towards her beat up silver chevy.

_The rain pounded on the streets as Rory looked out over Slummers Lane people huddled in the shelters of the buildings, a shiver ran down her spine and she pulled her blankets closer around her. The door opened with a bang she shot around to see the visitor. Mack stood in the doorway dripping with rain panting hard, his features shadowed in the dimly lit room. _

_Later she would remember that look and realize he wasn't panting from the rain and his features were not only shadowed from the light but also from the fear. _

She ground the car into gear and pulled out onto the street. She honked as she pulled up to Logan's building and saw him as promised waiting outside. He ran towards the car and got in, the storm clouds threatening to let loose.

"Rory what's wrong?"

"You wanted to know where I've been the past almost three years Logan."

"Yes but…"

"Well I'm taking you there."

"Where?"

"Where that life is." He didn't ask anymore questions he got the feeling he wouldn't receive any answers. He stared out the window watching the cityscape pass him by wondering where they'd end up. They drove fifteen minutes before Rory took a right into a narrow rode under a wrought iron gate. Logan stared around him at the wide open emerald grass. A couple moments later Rory pulled to the side of the rode and let the engine die. Exiting the car Logan followed Rory through the grass she stopped a few feet ahead of him he caught up to her and stared at what had caught her attention. He glanced at her saw the tears slide down her cheeks silently. He turned back to the grey marbled rock and read the inscription.

Mack Nohl

August 19th 1979 – November 8th 2006

Loved Life, Lived Hard.

"Who was he?" Logan whispered.

"Mack was my life from the minute I met him." She bent on her knees digging in her wallet she produced a small bead and laid it at the base of the headstone. She stood up again, her head bowed in silence. Slowly she began to tell him.

"After I ended things with us I was in a pretty bad place I left my Grandparents place about two months later and moved to a motel just outside Boston, I drank my nights away in a little pub about a block away. I met Mack there and he took me in let me stay in his room it wasn't the Ritz or anywhere near it but everything about it was life and Mack showed me what it was like to live again, he showed me things that I'll never forget. He was my brother Logan maybe not by blood but he gave me knowledge that I'll never let go of. He knows it." Logan put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close, letting her know he was there.

"Can I ask what happened to him?"

"Its…still hard Logan…but I'll try."

_Rory was startled awake by a monstrous pounding at the door a man behind it yelled out "Mack you lil'shit I know you're in there and damn it I'll break this door down."_

_She had little time to comprehend the man behind the door before a hand was pressed her eyes met Mack's and she calmed a bit. He had a finger pressed to his lips and she nodded in understanding, he removed his hand and motioned her to follow him. She grabbed her jacket and shoes beside her mattress and slunk in behind him. The man pounded on the door harder as they made their way down the fire escape outside their window and onto the concrete below. _

"_Mack what's going on?" She looked at him frantically. _

"_Rory there's some stuff I didn't tell you. About two years ago I fell into the wrong crowd dealing drugs and handling hot products, six months into it I couldn't do it anymore you could say my morals caught up with me. So I quit but they don't really just let you quit so I kind of fled town. I've been living on borrowed time ever since. I don't regret it though I couldn't have lived the way I wanted to if I stayed."_

"_Mack what are you talking about?" She shook her head in confusion._

"_Remember Rory we're all just struggling to live every single person out in that world."_

"_What do you mean remember Mack where are you going?"_

"_Don't regret anything Rory even though you might want to it all happens for a reason." He was backing up all the while he was talking. "You're going to be great Rory I know it, don't give up after this okay don't throw you're life away. Promise me." She nodded her head still in shock. He turned and walked around the corner of the building._

_It was a surreal moment in her life the air was still, his body silhouetted against the street lamp as he rounded the corner. She held her breath almost knowing what was going to happen. The echo blast through her ears, tears sprung to her eyes and she leapt forward moving as if in slow motion rounding the corner as he had done moments before._

"_MACK!" she screamed as she ran to him lying motionless on the ground. Sirens blared around her their red lights bouncing off the old brick buildings. She screamed hysterically as they pulled her off his lifeless body. They put him on a gurney they wheeled it towards the ambulance she struggled to follow him only to find a pair of arms holding her back. The arms were attached to a voice whispering in her ear trying to calm her down but she couldn't listen all her attention was on the ambulance speeding off into the distance. Police and canine crews swarmed around her as she was pulled into a nearby van. She lost all fight as the ambulance went out of sight and sank into the chair of the van._

She buried her face in Logan's chest letting the sobs come fiercely. He held her close tears stinging her eyes hating to see Rory so strung out hating that she was no longer naïve hating that she had to lose someone so close to her and hating himself for being glad that she was in his arms again.

"Lets go get breakfast Ace, you'll feel a little better once you have a full stomach." She nodded into his chest. "And you can tell me as much more or little as you feel like. I'm here for you Ror."

The storm clouds finally let loose. Huge rain drops assaulted their clothing and leaving long rain streaks down their cheeks. Logan led Rory through the rain to her car.

"Give me your keys Rory you're in no shape to drive." She fished in her pocket and pressed the Chevy's key into his palm. Opening the door for Rory he ran to his side of the car and started it up. Pulling out onto the street he couldn't help glancing in his rear-view mirror and envisioning Rory standing in Mack's arms him holding her close and feeling just a bit of jealousy. Were they even like that? She had never said. He didn't even really know where she had been only that it had gotten someone close to her killed and it wasn't anywhere near the Ritz as she had said. He glanced over at her, she was staring out the window her eyes watching something far away and he wanted to know more than ever what it was.

_So how'd you like it? Please leave a review it's much appreciated. _

_---If it wasn't clear italics were flashbacks._


	4. Old Places Heal Old Wounds

You are entering the world of fiction. Suspend all beliefs now.

**Old Places Heal Old Wounds: Part I**

"_Give me your keys Rory you're in no shape to drive." She fished in her pocket and pressed the Chevy's key into his palm. Opening the door for Rory he ran to his side of the car and started it up. Pulling out onto the street he couldn't help glancing in his rear-view mirror and envisioning Rory standing in Mack's arms him holding her close and feeling just a bit of jealousy. Were they even like that? She had never said. He didn't even really know where she had been only that it had gotten someone close to her killed and it wasn't anywhere near the Ritz as she had said. He glanced over at her, she was staring out the window her eyes watching something far away and he wanted to know more than ever what it was._

She couldn't think she couldn't deal all she could do was count the trees. They smeared together. It made them hard to count but she tried, she put all her effort into counting those smeared trees tried to discern where one started and the other ended, but they all just melded together in one big globular life. Suddenly she felt so very small and so very confused.

"Logan." She breathed suddenly. "I'm sorry can you just take me home."

"Rory?" He questioned. "What's wrong? Talk to me?"

"I can't do this right now." She looked at him pleadingly even though his eyes were on the road. "Please."

"Okay." He sighed softly. "I'll take you home." Did he have much choice?

"Thank-you." She whispered the words barely floating off her tongue.

---

He pulled her beat-up Chevy into an open spot beside her apartment building. Rory exited the car quickly and Logan scrambled out after her.

She stood a few steps from the car unsure whether she should bolt or wait for him. Logan walked swiftly toward her and pressed the keys into her hand. She glared at the keys in her hand as if she had forgotten they were hers.

"I'm sorry I forgot. You can drive it to your place if you want."

"It's okay I'll get a cab." He shook his head.

"Oh," She replied distant. "Okay." Turning from him and walking to her apartment.

He watched her thin form float over the pavement drops of rain blurring her image. Suddenly he felt everything collide, everything he wanted and everything he needed falling into one spot in his life and it was all blurring right in front of him. "Rory wait." He called out to her. "Don't do this. Don't run away from me again."

She turned around slowly tears falling from her red eyes. "I'm sorry Logan. I can't do this I can't talk about it anymore and until I can I can't move on."

"Rory." He pleaded.

She shook her messed curly hair slowly, sadly. She turned her back on him and disappeared through the glass doors.

Logan stared after her stunned. At that moment he felt utterly defeated, he desperately wanted Rory but he couldn't help feeling that small bit of relief that she hadn't told him anymore. He allowed the cold and the rain that drenched his clothes to seep into his soul and cover his pain.

----

Jim was sitting on Rory's couch watching television when Rory entered her apartment. He shut off the television as soon as Rory entered.

"Ror." He greeted her tentatively.

"Hey Jim." She spoke distractedly, quickly walking into her room. He followed her, "Rory?" he questioned. She was hurriedly packing her school bag. "Rory talk to me."

"Not now Jim I've got to get to school."

"Ror you don't have to go to school I know you hate skipping but you just went through one hell of a night, you've been overstressed this whole week."

"No. I need to go to school." She answered bluntly unflinching.

"Rory stop. What happened with Logan?"

"Not now Jim." She growled annoyed zipping her bag.

"Rory it's Friday take a long weekend."

"Jim." It was a stern command but he didn't budge. She pushed past him toward the door.

"Don't do this Rory." She glanced back at him hatred shining in her blue eyes.

"You can push and push Rory but I'm not going anywhere." She slammed the door to punctuate her point. He sighed running a hand through his short brown locks, he knew everything would bubble back to the surface he just hadn't factored in Rory's steadfast avoidance.

----

"I thought you'd end up here." The blue eyes sparkled at her. "Sit." He patted the lush green grass beside him.

She folded down beside him looking out before her, the night sky suddenly engulfing the day. "As gorgeous as when you first showed me."

"Mmhmm." He agreed. They sat in silence.

"Why'd you bring me here Rory?" He asked quietly and suddenly, sending a chill down her spine.

"I missed you Mack."

"I missed you too."

"Everything's screwed up. I lost myself Mack I can't deal with…come back Mack."

"You know I can't do that Rory my journey it's done but yours…you'll find it again Rory. It takes time."

"I can't do it Mack."

"Rory listen to me. Things they can get screwed up they can get so out of whack you can't find your way back all you need to do is find that one thing that one lifeline that will show you the way back to your heart."

"But how do I know what it looks like?"

"You'll know."

"What happened Mack, with you and that gang?"

"It doesn't matter now." He shook his head.

"It matters to me."

"Old places heal old wounds."

"What?" She looked at Mack, his eyes bore into hers.

"I love you lil'sis."

"Love you too Mack." Tears ran down her cheeks.

"Rory," his voice lightened and crackled his image distorted. "Rory." Her eyes flitted open landing on her teacher standing over her.

"Are you alright?" The professor asked her. The other students filed out of class.

"I'm sorry." She packed her books in her bag.

"Just try not to let it happen again. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine." She swung the bag over her shoulder and left the room.

-

Her knuckles had gone white from gripping the steering wheel in rage, in fright, maybe it was both she didn't know. Streams of consciousness kept running through her head. 'Why now? Why me? I was over it. What _was_ that dream? Old places heal old wounds.' And the one it all kept coming back to 'I thought I was past all this shit.'

She knew she should just deal with all her pent up emotions head on. She knew it but couldn't. She just wasn't able to, it was somehow built into her anatomy not to deal, to run, lock up her mind and just forget.

Deftly pulling into a spot in front of her building she dragged her backpack out and locked the car making her way into the building, the rain still drenching the city. Following the water drips to the elevator she rode up to her floor and trudged to her apartment. Rory let herself into the apartment dropping her bag at the door and kicking off her shoes. She threw her keys on the counter; a piece of paper caught her eye stuck on the refrigerator door. Scrawled in Jim's writing she read "Rory you've got me for the long run I'm not going anywhere. Get some rest I'm coming over tomorrow." She groaned aloud she loved Jim but sometimes she just wanted to be left alone to stew in her own filth. She fell onto her couch rubbing her eyes in aggravation. Everything made no sense anymore; she just wanted some sense of normalcy.

-

She pulled herself off the couch at the sound of a knock at her door. Without thinking she opened the door to the sight of a blonde haired man dripping with water. She just stood there staring at him unable to think or move.

"Rory I know you said you couldn't see me until you made sense of well all the stuff you went through that you won't tell me but I think…"

Rory stood listening to Logan speak his familiar voice touching her. Suddenly she reached for him.

In mid sentence he stopped caught off guard as she rose to meet his lips with hers.

She felt the familiar fiery sensation coarse down her body. Her hands feathered across the back of his neck up and into his blonde locks pulling him closer, lost in the depths of the kiss. Abruptly she was pushed back Logan's hands breaking their kiss sending them a foot apart.

_Was it their kiss or just hers?_

"Rory what are you doing?" He tried to catch her eye.

"I thought that was kind of obvious." She asked annoyed covering her real feelings.

"God Rory we can't do this." He spit angrily.

"God Logan." She imitated him, "When did you become such a stickler about sex?"

"When did you become such a cheerleader for casual sex?" He threw back.

She paused catching her breath trying to reign in every emotion she was feeling at that moment. "Why'd you come here Logan?"

"I…I don't know."

"You don't know." She reverberated acidly.

He returned her icy stare. "Look Rory what you said to me this morning was complete crap."

"Excuse me?"

"You can't run away from everything you find difficult, I'm here for you use me."

"You know nothing about it Logan."

"I know more than you think Rory you aren't the only one who was hurt when you left and who drowned themselves in self pity."

"Really." She stated sarcastically.

"Look Rory if that's the way you want it maybe we should just rewind and go back to when we were just an old sweet relationship to one another." He looked at her hoping she'd fight, hoping she wouldn't agree with him.

He didn't get his wish.

"Maybe we should." She agreed, anything to get him out of her sight, out of her apartment.

"Okay then." He said slowly rubbing a hand down his arm. "I guess I'll go then."

"Bye." She followed him to the door.

He left through the door and she closed it slowly on him but she caught his last words before the door shut fully. "Bye Ace." She jerked her head, he hadn't used that name for her since the party and it hurt, deep.

She slid down the door holding her head. Why couldn't things in Rory Gilmore's life ever be completely normal? She laughed bitterly at her self effacing thoughts. Because then it wouldn't be interesting and what kind of life would it be then? She crawled to the coffee table and groped for the cordless phone. Finding it she deftly dialled.

"Speak now or forever hold your peace."

"Mom."

"Rory?" She questioned surprised at her daughters voice.

"Hi Mom."

"What's wrong you sound…odd."

"Got a room for me?"

"Always you know that babe."

"I'm coming home."

"Rory are you alright?"

"I'll talk to you when I get there."

"Okay Kid. Drive safe."

"Always…love you Mom."

"Love you too."

----

Gravel crunched under the Chevy's tires as Rory rolled into her old driveway. Every time she looked up at her childhood home she felt comforted. This house was her safe haven, hers and her moms.

"Rory!" Lorelai squealed as she raced from the white cottage bungalow. Rory squeezed in her Mom into a hug. Her best friend and mother was a ball of joy just like almost every other time she came home for a visit.

_She dragged her duffel bag up the white steps and knocked at the door and waited. She should have been fidgety, she was coming home to her mother who she hadn't spoken to in over a year, but she wasn't. She felt nothing anymore she didn't feel the weight of her recent events or the latter events, she didn't feel nervous meeting her Mom, she felt nothing just the numbness that wrapped her in its cold blanket._

_The door creaked open and her mother appeared. She looked terrible, her hair fell in stringy clumps from its clips, and her face was blotched with red. Rory scanned her mother and Lorelai scanned her beloved daughter. They just sort of fell into the others arms squeezing out all the comfort the other could offer and taking in the pain of the other, not knowing what caused it or even at that moment really caring._

"_I missed you Mom." Rory offered minute's maybe hours later._

"_You have no idea kid." Lorelai whispered in her hair. They stood like that for an eternity a billion billion heart beats went by before they pulled apart._

"_Luke and I are done."_

"_I lost everything."_

"_Do you want to come in?"_

"_Please." _

_Full messages coming in as radio clips details would flesh their stories but for now it was all either of them needed._

"Mom." She pulled out of her mothers embrace. "It's so good to be back."

"It's good to have you here my little mini me." Lorelai wrapped an arm around her daughter's shoulder bringing her into their home.

"Without the iron stomach."

"True no one has this stomach of steel."

"Clark Kent would." Rory objected.

"Clark Kent is a comic hero, he's not real, therefore he doesn't count."

"No," Rory gasped scandalized. "There goes my fantasy of a Rory-Clark love fest."

"There's always dreams daughter of mine there's always dreams."

Rory was glad to be home where stress was a thing put into mashing potatoes and the best gossip was who pierced what.

"So what brings you back to Stars Hollow? I thought you had enough of our small town." Lorelai asked buzzing around the kitchen; she had become, unfortunately to everyone around her infatuated with cooking. She tried everything under the sun concocting the bizarrest combinations she could dream up and subjecting her friends to test it. Rory had hoped it was just a stage, a way to get over Luke but either it was a very long stage or it was unfortunately here to stick.

"I just had to get away from school and work. It was all just getting to me."

"Lie." Her mom pointed the spatula dripping with something brown at her.

"What?" Rory asked incredulous.

"If that was it you would've curled up with some ice cream and had a movie night with Jim making fun of every horribly cheesy line you could find. So spill."

Tucking a stray hair behind her ear she looked up at her Mom. "Fine do you want the Reader's Digest version or the Lord of the Rings one?"

"I'll take Lord of the Rings but leave out the ugly orcs."

"Not sure if that will be possible but I'll try."

"Wait before you start try this." Lorelai put a plate with a square of chocolate like substance before Rory. Rory looked apprehensively at the food but bit into the blob. Her face pinched in fear. "Oh…my…God." Her Mom waited expectantly for more. "That's disgusting but very, very good."

"I know right, chocolate bits, liquorice, sour cherries, marshmallows and a graham cracker crust. Here." She put a big chunk in front of her daughter. "Now go on."

"So it all started with the return of _the_ Logan Huntzberger."

"No." Lorelai breathed shocked.

"Yep."

Rory went on to tell her Mom every detail of the last week's events.

-

"Ok Rory let me give this to you straight this is all because of Logan…"Rory opened her mouth to interrupt. "Ahah…it is. I never liked Logan…I don't know why really I never officially met him. Maybe it was because he was bred of money and my parent's whole heartedly approved. But you always loved him best I could tell you got this aura about you when you talked about him. You never let him go, Logan has always been number one in your heart when it comes to you love life. You need to make a decision either let Logan fully into your life, lean on him for support which he'll give you if he really does care about you or you try to finally let him go."

"How do I do that Mom?"

"You need to figure that out Rory, that's the pleasure of being an adult."

"Ugh…" Rory groaned banging her head on the table top.

"Rory hon. you're hurting the table."

"Good." She groaned again.

"Come on you need some of Luke's coffee."

Rory's head whipped up. "YES"

-

"You know what?" Rory asked as they walked to Luke's.

"What?"

"You sounded a lot like Jim before, did you two collaborate?"

"Ah yes we gathered in a dimly lit room with out Russian accents and discussed the best way to combat Rory's complicated life."

Rory shook her head laughing. "Sorry I asked."

"Apology accepted."

"So are we good with Luke now?"

"Yes we're now on a real name basis."

"Wow. Progression."

"I think so, though I did love being Molly Polighty. She was a great character, loved food, cracking jokes…"

"And long walks on the beach."

"She preferred horseback rides in the sunset."

"Of course very Annie MacLean."

The bell chimed overhead as they entered Luke's. Immediately recognizing Rory Luke came out from behind the counter a big grin lighting his face.

"Hey Luke."

"Hi Rory, back in town?"

"Yep yep couldn't take it any longer I just needed Luke's coffee and chili fries."

"Well you came to the right place. Give me a minute or two." He left to the kitchen and Rory sat down with her Mom at their usual table.

"Lorelai?" Luke called sticking his head out from the back.

"I'll have the same." She called back.

Rory arched an eyebrow at her mother.

"What?"

"You two are such an old married couple."

"We aren't a couple we're just friends."

"Uh'huh"

"We tried that and we both agreed we don't work."

"Luke's your Logan." Rory stated with brilliance.

"Luke is not my Logan." Lorelai disagreed calmly.

"Luke's your Logan…Luke's your Logan." Rory chanted.

"Shut-up you." Rory stuck out her tongue just as their food arrived.

"Here you go Rory chili fries, coffee, and I threw in a special pigs in a blanket that I know you love."

"Thanks Luke." She smiled up at him showing her gratitude.

"You deserve it. How's Boston?"

"Boston's good. Rory in Boston is a little…awkward lately."

"Well, Rory in Stars Hollow is hot-dog."

"Hot…dog?" She cocked her head in askance.

"I saw it on that show Veronica Mars."

"You watch Veronica Mars? Since when do you watch TV? This is my Mom's doing isn't it?"

Lorelai put her hands out in surrender. "Don't look at me Rory the man's got good taste."

"I don't know Luke and television is like…you and decaf."

"Nooo!" Lorelai screamed at the thought.

"If it makes you feel better it's not technically mine I bought it for Lorelai it's still in my apartment and I was just flipping through the channels one night."

"You still have Mom's stuff?"

"Yes I mean…well technically its mine…if she wants it…"

"You're all flustered Luke." Rory pointed out smirking.

"I am not."

"You are."

"I am not flustered."

"Yes you are."

"Argh…" he trumped upstairs and returned with the television. "Here take it I don't want it."

"I don't want it." Lorelai protested shaking her head, playing at Luke's nerves the only way the Gilmore's could.

"It's yours take it." Lorelai inspected the television momentarily before bending over and giving the plug to Luke.

"What's this?"

"It's the plug."

"I know it's the plug why'd you put it in my hand?"

"Plug it on re-runs of _I Dream of Jeannie_ are on."

"Glad to see you two are reunited." Luke dropped the plug defeated and walked away.

"Us too!" Lorelai and Rory snickered.

-

"What about the television?" Luke called as they were about to exit the diner.

"Keep it you can learn more words like 'hot-dog' and the new word of television culture 'frak.'" They door shut behind them without waiting for a comment from Luke.

"I wonder what else he has of yours." Rory mused as they walked back to their home.

"It's just a TV Rory."

"One that he barely ever watches."

"Rory give it up me and Luke will never be."

"Tell me you're not one smidgen glowing because of that TV."

"Okay maybe a little." She admitted letting a smile creep from her lips.

"I knew it!"

----

"So what are you going to do?" Lorelai asked as she helped finish loading Rory's bags into her car.

"I have no idea." Rory sighed as she closed the trunk door.

"Sorry I couldn't help you. You drove all this way."

"No this is just what I needed I feel a hell of a lot better."

"Good, me too. You drive safe okay Babe."

"I will. Love you Mom."

"Love you too kid." She hugged her Mom goodbye before getting into her Chevy and starting up the engine, which after a trip to Gypsy's no longer hiccupped but purred. They were both happier and relaxed and heading home to the big city where life was fast paced and always complex.

----to be continued…

Hi to all my readers, I hope you're enjoying reading this as much as I am writing it. I just wanted to let you all know that I'm really bogged down with school so writing time comes few and far between and I'm therefore unable to put up new chapters quickly. I'm pretty sure I won't be able to get another up until end of November early December I'm really bummed about that but there's nothing I can do about it short of quitting school. I just wanted to give you all a heads up about that and to say Thank-You so much for all your awesome reviews! That's all I have to say for now…Have a great Halloween when it comes around! -Billie


	5. Haunted by your Past

Chapter 5

**Haunted by your Past**

_Do you know those times when the sky is thick with clouds, its raining like hell and everything is just dark? Those times when the world around you just shuts down and there's only you and that annoying little voice that never shuts up. That voice that gives you wisdom, advice, and compliments but at that moment is allowing you to grieve and hate yourself. It's often at those times that we discover our true faces. Are we brave in the face of danger? Are we able to keep up with the best of wits? Do we sink when we feel the first touch?_

_----_

Putting the keys into the lock she opened her apartment door and dragged her bag over the threshold. Heaving the bag over her shoulder she made her way to her room via the common room.

"Hey."

"Shit!" she jumped at Jims voice. "God you're like Ruth Gordon sitting there, make some noise or something…Wo déjà vu."

"We had this conversation before?"

"No I had the same one with someone else."

"Another lifetime ago?"

"You could say."

"Good or bad."

"That's subjective."

"To?"

"To where said person ends up."

"But you're said person you should have an opinion."

"Yeah well that involves deep thought which I'm fruitlessly avoiding."

"Ahh…I see."

"What are you doing here anyway don't you have your own apartment to do…" She looked him up and down trying to find what he _was_ doing. "whatever you were doing?"

"I'm here waiting for you, I don't know if _you_ know but I was worried sick when you weren't at home on Saturday morning I did tell you I was coming over. I freaked out and phoned your Mom she told me you were there."

"You did? She never told me that."

"She thought you needed a break from anyone connected to Boston."

"Ahh. Sorry by the way."

"What happened? I mean I know you were in a bad place that night but you've never not told me what was going on or if you were going out of town."

"I know it was more of a spur of the moment kind of thing."

"So did you have a good time?"

"Yeah I did it was good to just have a weekend away from school and stuff."

"Yeah you needed that." He glanced at his watch. "I'll get out of your hair now. Call me later okay?" He pushed himself off the couch walking to Rory and kissing her on the crown of her head.

"Will do." She smiled.

"Good." He smiled making his way out of her apartment. She smiled after Jim, she loved the man to death for caring so much for her he was her angel taking care of her from the minute he saw her even when he could have left her to fend for herself.

Rory moved her bag to her small room unpacking it which mostly involved throwing it all into her laundry basket and silently cursing herself for not doing a free load at her mothers. The phone rang a few moments into her unpacking and she left it to be done later picking up her cordless.

"Hello."

"Hey."

"Jim what's up? You couldn't possibly need anything you were just here."

"I know but I want to take you somewhere tonight, be ready at four."

"What if I don't want to come?"

"You want to come the curious reporter in you won't let you stay home."

"Okay fine I'll be outside at four."

"Good." The phone went dead and she switched it off her brows knitting in worry. She had heard the conspiratorial tone in Jims voice and she didn't like it one bit.

---

She slid into the passenger's seat of his '98 Honda Civic, good ol'reliable he called her.

"So where are we going?"

"No comment." He answered strait faced.

"No comment?" She restated quizzically.

He gave her a half smile. He was so sure of what he was doing just a few hours ago but now with her so close he wondered if she'd break at seeing it all again. His knuckles tightened on the steering wheel. He glanced at Rory she was staring out the window her eyebrows furrowed; she was worried. He and Lor had discussed this, they had both agreed. He took a right at the lights. He saw it the exact moment she understood where he was taking her. She didn't protest she didn't say anything at all but her eyes brimmed with tears.

He blinked back his own tears trying to forget when they had made their first venture back. He had hardly known the woman she was, her eyes had been hollow then as if she wasn't seeing anything. Now though he noticed she was soaking everything in, seeing the streets that had been her home for a small part of her life, with an all new perspective. He slowed to a stop in front of the red brick building and cut the engine. She opened the door and stood on the sidewalk with not a word to him and he followed her slowly as she made her way to the building.

Rory let the door slowly creek open the dim light of the waning sun filtering into the gloomy building highlighting the resident cobwebs. She tentatively stepped through the threshold glancing back and forth. She heard the sounds of old televisions behind the closed doors, the arguments of men and women, the smell of the poorly ventilated building. She ascended the stairs following them to the building where it had all been, her life when she was just trying not to die. Then she was there standing outside the brown door frame. She rapped on the door before her mind could stop her. It pushed open to her surprise and she peered through the gloom. Suddenly she was back there sitting in front of the small fireplace grey blanket wrapped around her. The dull blue eyes watching the fire crackle and spit at her. "Hey what are you doing in here?" The voice surprised her and she glanced up from her flashback to see a petite chestnut haired woman stare at her with those hollow eyes. She turned from those eyes and ran out the door down the staircase past Jim. She fled onto the streets, behind buildings. Before she knew where she had gone she was sitting on the top of a small hill looking out over the city of Boston.

---

Logan sat at his desk putting the final touches on a letter to his father when his cell phone beeped. He flipped the cell open surprised to find a text message staring at him.

_Logan, we need to talk, meet me at the top of Dunseberry hill take a left at Main. Jim_

Logan frowned at the text something felt off about it and not just because Jim wanted to meet him at the top of Dunes hill on the outskirts of town. He grabbed his keys and set off to his car trying Jim's cell on the way. It went to his mailbox and he clicked off trying twice more before someone picked up, but there was no greeting on the other end, "Hello Jim?" Logan opened his car door getting into his seat and switching his cell to the other ear. "Hello?" He was feeling a deep knot in his stomach. "Jim?"

"Logan." The voice came as a quiet whisper but Logan recognized it instantly.

"Rory." The line went dead and he threw aside the phone roaring his engine to life.

-

Easing his car to a stop at the end of Turnes, off Main he locked the door and made his way along the path leading to the top of Dunseberry. In the light of the setting sun he saw her staring out over the city her face marked with dry tear tracks.

"Hey" he spoke quietly coming to sit next to her.

She turned to look at him.

"You okay? Your phone cut out."

"It went dead." She unnecessarily showed him.

"How come you were phoning from Jims?"

"I didn't think you'd come if you knew it was me who was calling you."

"Rory that's silly you know I'd be there for you at a moments notice if you needed me."

"But I _don't_ know." Her voice barely audible.

"You know now." He spoke quietly back.

Fresh tears sprang to her eyes. She didn't know what she was expecting when he showed up and she didn't know what to expect now. She was spinning and spinning and she couldn't find her foot hold. His hand brushed the small of her back just then and she let out a deep breath finding a small hold with that human touch. Staring out over the city she opened her mouth letting her mind speak freely for once without a second thought.

"Do you know how many times I've sat here in this exact spot looking over the city wondering whether he is down there wandering the streets free; alive?"

"Rory?" he asked questioningly not knowing who she was referring to.

"I never told anyone, no one, that the story I gave Jim, my mom, you, the police it wasn't true. He told me not to pursue it not to try and find the man. He made me promise and I did. I ran around the corner when I heard the shot…so loud…and there he was feet from Mac the gun still pointed at him I looked him in the eye, I looked through him and he saw me, void empty eyes.

He pointed that gun at me and I stood there caught in the perverse thought that it was finally all over I could go to that place I had been forever searching for. I waited for it.

It never came.

He used his last breath to tackle that gun. I never moved I was stuck in that place between knowing and doing. The sirens came then and he fled glancing once at me I saw the twinkle in his eye, I'll never forget that face."

"They never caught him." Logan recognized.

"They searched but no clues surfaced and it was pushed to the back of the pile. A 'bottom dweller' isn't really top priority when there are celebrities available to be pulled over and let go again for DUI's."

"Rory." He spoke her name softly.

"He made me promise not to pursue it and I kept my word but I don't think I can do that anymore. It's eating me up. I can't live like this."

"Okay well…" He started overwhelmed with the amount of her hurt and truth coming from her lips.

"Here." She handed him a folded paper from her pocket.

"What's this?" He asked unfolding the piece.

"That's him, I thought maybe you have sources at the police department or something. They find him I'll testify."

"Ace what are you not telling me?" He sensed her tension.

She stared at her hands intertwining her fingers again and again. "That gang Mac was part of…"

"You know which one it is." He realized inhaling hard.

"I looked into it, he didn't say not to. That gang is one of the most notorious in the East, they don't let just anyone in. What if Mac wasn't the guy I thought he was? What if he murdered people?"

"Do you believe that Rory?"

"I don't know anymore Logan. People never seem to be who they are anymore."

"Rory he got out of it, he left that life, he saved you he could have preserved that strength to live but he didn't he fought for you.

Rory I think Mac was right you can't pursue this if this gang is the one you're talking about one guy won't stop anything they'll just come after you."

"I know I just can't deal with this."

"I know but you told me, let me take some of the burden." She rested her head on Logan's shoulder losing her self-control.

-

"I like him."

"Mac?"

"He's got moxy. Listen to him Rory he has you in his heart. He's the guy."

"The guy for what?"

"And for God's sake burn that picture."

"Mac did you ever…"

"Murder anyone? Rory you live on the streets long enough you've done it all, murder however was not one of them."

"How did you…"

"Other things that you will hopefully never know. I don't want you in that world Rory once you're in you can never go back. You think about that before you convince Logan to find that man. You Rory are meant for so much more. Imagine the possibilities use your words."

"I've always respected you Mac you're a brother to me. I promise you I won't go after this guy but I will expose the world you lived in and that small piece I got a glimpse of."

"I have no doubt you will I knew it the first time I saw you."

"How cliché." She laughed.

"The best are always clichéd."

"No truer words have been spoken."

"Times up Ror, the journeys not over, and things may get tough but old places heal old wounds."

"What does that mean?" He flashed a smiled before vanishing from her sight.

-

She gasped awake trying to identify her surroundings momentarily blinded.

"Were you asleep?"

"I guess." She reached into her pocket pulling out the small silver lighter she kept with her almost all the time.

--

"_You okay to do this?"_

_She nodded slowly walking into Macs room in that brick building. Everything surprisingly was how it had been that night so many ago. She stood slightly into the room trying to calm her shallow breaths. _

"_I'll wait out here." Jim offered._

_She nodded again afraid words would break her spell. Slowly gingerly she made her way to his room prodding the door open with her right hand. They had been told if no one claimed his belongings the building owner would gut the room. Mac didn't have much to his name and only a few things he deeply cared about. His guitar in its case lent against the far wall, she left it where it stood fearing to go near it. She made her way to his small bedside cabinet and slid open the drawer. With trembling hands she removed the few items the drawer contained. Pocketing the folded piece of paper she knew contained the last note his parents left him before there untimely death she fingered the small silver lighter in her hand. It had been Macs and he was never found without except it seems that night. She pocketed the lighter next to the letter. Gently and swiftly she picked up his guitar and left the room._

---

She took the drawing from Logan's hand, holding it ahead of her she flicked the lighter to life and put the flame to the paper. Letting it catch she fluttered it to the ground. Leaning back against Logan she watched the paper burn and disintegrate into the now night sky. Her finger still caressed the engraving on the lighter, "Can I borrow your phone?" He pulled the cell out of his pocket and handed it to her. "What for?"

"Someone I have to call." She answered dialling his cell.

"Hello." His voice rang clear and her mind momentarily fluttered to say 'Can you hear me now?'

"Jim."

"Rory are you okay? I never meant for that to happen."

"I'm okay, sorry I ran off on you…again." She forced a laugh through her teeth. "It was hard seeing everything again but I guess you can't really move on when you're still haunted by your past."

"That was poetic Rory almost Lord Byronesque."

She laughed gently. "I wanted to let you know I'm still alive and I'm with Logan."

"Logan?" he questioned. "Okay well I'll leave you then I know you're in good hands." She laughed quietly again and he joined her. "Bye Rory."

"Bye Jim." She closed the phone and handed it back to Logan.

She closed her eyes listening to his breathing. "Logan." She twisted in his arms to see him.

"Rory" his eyes twinkled in the fully risen moon.

"I'm glad you're here and I'm glad you're…" He leaned in cutting her off brushing his lips with hers. "I'm glad you can talk to me now Ace." She smiled leaning into him catching his lips in hers. She traced his lips gently biting his lip seeking his tongue. He let out a soft moan as the kiss grew more intense pulling her back onto the grass with him.

"I'm going to expose that life Logan." She broke off twisting to stare at the stars.

"In my paper," He kissed the crown of her forehead pulling her closer to him. "I want exclusive rights." She reached for his hand entwining her fingers in his. The fell into silence once again.

Her mother had been right to tell her to pick Logan or cut him loose she was glad she had picked the former. "I'm not having sex with you." His voice broke the quiet and her thoughts suddenly.

"Excuse me." She propped herself on one elbow to better see him.

"Last time I did you ran off and I'm not willing to see that happen again."

"You Logan Huntzberger are going to abstain from sex." She stuck out her bottom lip in disbelief.

"Yes that's what I'm sacrificing to be in a relationship with you."

"Relationship?"

"Well aren't we?"

"I'd like that."

"You'd like that?" He mocked.

"Shut up." She laughed brushing her lips to his.

"Things are going to get better." He whispered.

"They already are." She murmured back.

* * *


	6. It's Tradition

Okay so I'm reposting this because I needed to alter the ending it really wasn't working for me so forget the end of this chapter that you read before…I hope to have another chapter up soon…

A/N: Hey everyone this is a short light fluffy chapter 'cause its snowing here and I felt like writing a happy snowy chapter. I'm not sure if I ever put a timeline to this story but I am now so it's about end of November early December. Read on and enjoy!

**Ch 6**

_It's a Tradition_

A cell phone rang in the room of Logan Huntzberger; the clock flashed 1:13 am and Logan groped in the grey of his room.

"Hello?" His voice groggy, his mind still half asleep.

"Logan."

"Rory." His eyes flew open. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Logan relaxed his heart slowing after the jolt of adrenaline. "It's snowing." She stated.

"Its Boston of course it's snowing."

"But it's the first snow of the season. It's wonderful, it's magical…"

"Yeah it's wonderland, I get it but what does it have to do with calling me at one in the morning?"

"Come out." He could almost here her smiling over the phone.

"What." He groaned.

"It's tradition between my mom and me no matter what time it comes we go for a walk in the snow, but she's too far away so you're the next best thing. Come on Logan don't make me come up there."

"You don't have a key." He chuckled at her insistence.

"Are you sure about that?"

"Ye-yeah." He started a seed of doubt sown.

"I'm coming up."

"Okay okay I'm coming. Be down in a minute." He disconnected and threw off his warm comforter groaning at the onslaught of cold air.

-

Rory shifted from foot to foot snow always brought hope and joy with a feeling that anything could happen.

She heard the apartment door open and Logan walk out.

"Hey." She smiled as he walked toward her.

"Hey. So this is snow?"

"Yep." She stuck out a hand catching flakes.

"So where are we going?"

"I dunno, how about nowhere?"

"Sounds good."

They walked hand in hand down the streets of Boston. Few people roamed the streets and Rory was blissfully unaware of anyone else, the world at that moment was just Logan, her, and the snow.

"Are you excited for Christmas?" Logan asked breaking their mutual silence.

"Yeah I am this year." She smiled at him.

He didn't want to spend Christmas without her and before he could stop himself the question he'd wondered for weeks tumbled from his tongue. "Are you going to your Mom's?"

Rory stopped pulling him to face her. "Yeah." She looked through her delicate lashes; he found his breathing become shallow. "I am my Mom insists I come home especially since you know. The thing is I don't want to spend it without you. I know you must spend it with your family but I would love it if you spent it Gilmore style. If you don't I…" He didn't think twice swooping to catch her lips, pulling her close. It was a clichéd response he knew it, she knew it but at that moment it was perfect.

"I wouldn't want to spend it anywhere else Rory." He whispered in her hair.

She smiled in response.

"Will your family be okay with it?" She asked as they resumed walking.

"You've met my family we aren't the Brady's."

"Every family has a tradition even if they are the Scrooges."

"Well now that you mention it there was one where my mom would get smashed, my dad would yell, and I'd go to bed early."

"Okay okay so you weren't the Brady's." She conceded. Logan threw an arm over her shoulders pulling her close to kiss her cheek.

"I should let you know Jim's coming my Mom insists he comes he has no family here so we're his."

"No family?" Logan asked surprised.

Rory shook her head gently sending flakes swirling. "His Mom passed away of cancer when he was fourteen he never knew his dad."

"Oh God." Logan whispered subconsciously pulling her closer.

"When Mom found out she insisted he come for Christmas so it's tradition now."

"It's going to be one heck of a Merry Christmas."

"It is." She turned in front of him threading her arms around his neck playing with the snow landing in his hair. "As soon as school's out."

"And I get to see you more than weekends…"

"And one late night visit." He dipped his head sucking on her bottom lip till she dropped it swallowing the moan that escaped his throat, sharing in the passionate kiss until air became necessary.

"Are you still sticking to your word?" She chuckled when they broke apart.

"It's getting harder."

Rory let out a howl of laughter. Logan caught unaware let a smirk touch his lips when he caught his pun.

"C'mon Madame Gilmore." He laughed walking ahead. When he didn't hear Rory following he turned around only to be smacked in the shoulder by a snowball.

"Did you just throw a snowball at me Ace?"

"No…must've been Jack." He swooped down gathering snow into a ball and chucking it at her. Rory squealed dodging aside to make her own.

--

Logan stood in his elevator it had been a morning free of worry free of business it was a morning filled with hope and joy. He could defiantly start liking the snow.

He smiled inwardly, he was going to spend Christmas with Rory, with her mother, with Jim, with people he cared about and who cared whether he was happy or not and didn't give two shits where he worked or how much it paid.

---


	7. I am Normal

I know I have this rated as teen but just want to give an extra heads up there's some swearing in this chapter. Not sure if I liked where this chapter went, but I'll let you all tell me if it was way to out there.

Chapter 7.

_I am Normal._

_------------------------------------_

"_Rory?" The burly man loomed over her. Her vacant eyes took in his shaved head, his snake tattoo, the small nick above his eyes. "Rory." The voice boomed more sure this time. She nodded slowly. He stuck out his hand in gesture. "Names Tim. We need to talk." She took the proffered hand in a meek shake nodding compliantly. "Good c'mon." She followed him out onto the streets; he led her along the Boston roadways and into a small park. He instructed her to sit on one of the park benches; she complied. _

"_Rory, I'm sorry about Mack, he was a good kid." He began bluntly with sympathy in his voice._

"_You knew Mack?" She asked her eyes shining brightly. He took a heavy sigh. "When Mack came into the job, I knew he wasn't meant for it. He had this huge imagination, he could dream up anything; it's not a good skill to have in this line of work, letting your mind wander imagining the possibilities and the ramifications of the actions we take. When he ran away I wasn't surprised. I looked after that kid while he was still in and I tried to watch over him when he was on the run, but I lost him and when I couldn't find him easily I let him go figured if I dug too deep, too hard someone would have gotten suspicious and then both of us would have been in a whole lot of fucked up shit. It's been 3 years and nothing I thought maybe the sonuvabitch had made it out. Then I get this note." He produced the letter sized sheet and she reached out for it recognizing the lettering. "The letter tells me that when I got hold of it he'd be dead but that's life he says, there's this girl though he tells me and I owe him a favour which is true but that's another time, he tells me there's this girl blue eyed, brown haired, eyes that light up the world. This girl he writes will change lives changed his life. His favour? Make sure this girl doesn't get fucked up like him, make sure she stays safe."_

"_You're in the mob." Rory stated softly, unbelievingly._

"_I am." He concurred matter of factly._

"_You let this happen." She looked at him angrily._

"_I didn't know the hit was going down I didn't know they'd found him."_

"_You let him get found." She rose, her small five foot five frame trying to overwhelm his six feet. _

"_Hey I didn't come here to get blamed."_

"_Why did you come here?" She spat, she was thinking she was moving on emotions and adrenalin._

"_I came here to make a deal."_

"_I thought I was a favour."_

"_I already made good on that favour, now I'm here to make a deal and make the final bit of Mack's letter come to life."_

"_How very poetic of you. What was the favour?"_

"_Don't worry about that. The deal. You drop this insane idea of yours to look into Mack's death and his killer and you let the police let this case fall through the cracks. You do that and you'll be safe." _

"_If I don't?"_

"_If you don't there'll be consequences, and you may as well have gotten shot."_

"_How'd you know that?"_

"_I know a lot of things."_

"_How very cryptic of you." She spoke icily._

"_Do we have a deal?"_

"_I already struck that deal with Mack."_

"_Well as much as I'd like to believe your loyalty to Mack I often see deals die along with the other members of that deal."_

"_We have a deal." She offered her hand this time shaking his firmly. _

"_Just so we're clear it's implied that you keep your mouth shut."_

"_I don't want to see you again Tim. As much as I respect you for following through on a deserter of your gang and respecting and watching out for him, even if he ultimately met an untimely death I don't wish to have any dealing with your gang or any other."_

"_Trust me on this girl I don't want to see you again either." She nodded and handed him the note. "Keep it." He ticked his head in salute and left her standing in the small Boston Park watching his shrinking figure. _

----

Present day. After New Years.

The cell phone buzzed in Rory's pocket as Logan helped her bring her bags up to her apartment. Without a seconds thought she pulled the phone out of her pocket and flipped it to her ear.

"Hello." She breathed heavier than usual into the phone, because of the heavy bag she had insisted on carrying.

"Lorelai Gilmore took me awhile to find you again, why didn't you tell me Rory was just a nickname." She stopped suddenly causing the bag she was carrying to drop to the ground. Her stomach lurched, her breathing becoming shallow and erratic.

"What do you want?" She asked trying to remain calm.

Logan called to her rounding the corner coming from her apartment. "I told you I could carry that bag for you." He joked. He stopped when he saw Rory on her cell, her face was drained of colour. "Rory what's wrong?"

She waved him off, when he didn't move she turned her back to him walking down the opposite hallway praying he didn't follow. The voice on the phone had remained quiet when Logan had appeared but it continued sensing she was alone again.

"We need to talk Rory." The voice was annoyed.

"No we don't. We're done I've done what you said, I never went to the police I never investigated further."

"Someone's snooping around." He answered bluntly.

"What does that have to do with me? There are probably hundreds of people looking into your gang."

"It's a detective."

"The police." She answered feeling her nerves being replaced by anger.

"The police? Really Rory I would've thought you smarter than that. Did you really think we were just good enough to get away with all the shit that we do?"

"You pay them off."

"Bingo."

"But this person investigating it's not me." Her voice raising more than she could help.

"Rory your naivety is getting a little old. Meet me at eight at the park." He didn't wait for a reply. It wouldn't have mattered what she had said anyway, he wasn't the kind of person you could negotiate with. She shoved the phone back in her pocket, her heart still beating out of her chest.

Walking into her apartment she saw Logan had brought her bags in. He looked up when she entered. "What was that about?"

"Work stuff."

"You looked petrified."

"Did I?" She played dumb coming to sit beside him.

"You weren't?"

"Nope." She pecked him on the cheek "But thanks for caring."  
"When are you going to quit that job Rory and come work with Jim and me?"

"When I have the proper education to be more than just a paper pusher."

"You _have_ more than that Rory."

"Actually Wolfe gave me a small bit in an upcoming paper."

"Ace that's awesome."

"Thanks"

"Of course it's probably just his master to plan to steal you away."

"No one could steal me from you." She purred inches from his lips. Straddling him on the couch, she smiled seductively at him. "I can't believe you've kept your stupid pledge going Logan. You can't possibly think I'm still going to run."

"I won't lie it's been hard."

"Yes it has." She laughed softly at the implication rubbing the bulge between his pants making him groan softly. She smiled leaning in for a kiss.

"Rory." He groaned.

"Logan." She looked into his blue eyes, he looked back at hers gone dark with lust, want and love. "I've been patient. I'm not going to be anymore." She assaulted his lips, she felt him hesitate then give into her.

The clock shone 5:45. Events were about to change her life once again but for now she enjoyed the bliss of the present and forgot the horrors of the past and the uncertainties of the future.

---

"Hey." He greeted her groggily. "We fell asleep?"

"Yeah not during though. Thank God." She joked rolling her eyes, and leaning in to kiss him. He chuckled smiling into the kiss.

"Aren't you glad we didn't wait any longer?" She purred.

"Mmm…better than I remembered." She replied by kissing him again groaning as he pulled her onto him.

"Mmm no Logan. I have to go."

"What do you mean you have to go?" He asked teasingly.

"I have that…work thing."

"This late in the night? Blow it off."

"I can't." She pushed off him suddenly feeling the weight of the meeting crash down on her.

"Rory." He pleaded seriously, feeling the shift in her mood. "I'll come with you."

"No." She said quickly, coming forward to kiss him reassuringly noticing his apprehension. "I'll talk to you later." She grabbed her coat and keys and walked quickly out of the apartment.

Rain misted across the city glowing in the waning hours of the day's sun as Rory walked along the streets. A young couple walked past her, whispering to each other. Her mind fluttered to Logan and the fact that she had used him, used him to get her mind off what she was about to walk into. She wiped a hand over her face trying to forget what she had done. She did really love him but in that moment she had just wanted an escape. She looked up at the entrance to the small urban park; she hadn't been back to the park since he had first brought her to it. Fingering the pepper spray in the bottom of her coat pocket she stepped foot into the park.

She spotted him sitting at the same park bench she had sat at two years ago. Another nick was added to the collection on his face but otherwise he looked the same. He rose when he saw her, a smile graced his face and for some reason she felt reassured, it was his job she guessed to reassure his hits.

"Rory."

"Tim." She shook his hand, her vacant no longer. "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you again."

"I thought I told you the same thing."

"Funny since you called me here for something I am not involved in."

"I have to disagree."

"And why is that?"

"This man." He produced a 5 X 7 glossy of a man in his late thirties walking along a busy street.

"I've never met him before."

"This is our friendly detective." He produced another paper. "James Groldenchken, private eye, thirty-six, works the east coast." He recited the facts. "Phew" he whistled. "Look at these credentials…."

She suddenly felt a new fit of rage take her over. She didn't need to take this pestering this unsubstantiated claim. "You know what I don't know why I came here. I am not involved in this and you are obviously not going to believe me."

"You came here because you know who this James is working for. Think about it. Who have you told?"

"Why would I tell someone now when I've kept it quiet for so long?"

"Because it got too hard and you couldn't handle being alone in it any longer." He answered so truthfully and genuine that she thought at first he was speaking from experience.

"How do you know that? Were you following me?"

"I can see it in your eyes, it's a knack I've picked up from studying people for so long. And you my dear read like an open book."

Rory stared at the man before her. She didn't know what quite to think, he was right about one thing she had told someone what had happened. "But it couldn't be him." She murmured out loud.

"Who couldn't it be?" Tim questioned.

"He wouldn't do that." She looked away from him at an old fir. "He was the one who convinced me not to go to the police when I was going to. He couldn't; I can't believe that."

"Are you sure about that Rory? Would you bet this mans life on it? Because if he digs any deeper he's going to be taken down and if he is in anyway found to be linked to you I can no longer say that you will be free of the mob Mack wanted you to stay far away from. Keep this." He handed her the picture.

Rory shook her head she felt like she was in some horribly cheesy mob movie, and she couldn't think straight. "Tell me Tim I'm ready to know what the favour was?"

He sighed heavily; he had thought she would have figured that out by now. "Really Rory why do you think no ones come for you yet? You're linked to a messy hit and you as the sole witness are not dead or bought off."

She looked at him as he spoke, the words hitting her like knives. "You killed him. This entire time I was wondering if he was still out there and he wasn't."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you but you weren't ready for it then and you may not be ready for it now but there it is, he was slime, one of the worst in the business sloppy, careless and without respect for the job. Don't feel sorry for him, it is not your fault that he is dead, he shouldn't have been so fuckin' careless if he wanted to live."

She couldn't speak. Her life from then on would carry this burden of knowing that because of her a man was dead. No matter how evil he was, he was a living breathing person. "I…I have to go." She looked up at him.

"Be sure Rory."

She nodded in acquiescence.

"Hey" he called as she turned from him. "I'm sorry you seem like a good kid, like Mack you both have that 'I can change the world' vibe about you. You should never have had to get involved in this part of the human world."

She shrugged slowly. "But that's life right. You can stick your head in the sand but life will catch up with you eventually right? I lived half my life believing there was nothing bad out there, I deserve this." She turned back picking her feet up leaving him far behind. Standing there he shook his head, he should have never told her, he should have never gotten involved in her life, but for once in his life he didn't want to do the wrong thing.

In a matter of an hour her life had once again hit rock bottom. She felt listless, she needed to do something to get her mind off everything but she had done it all before, she had run, she had drunk, she had hid, she had cried, there was nothing left for her to do. Her phone vibrated in her pocket, deftly she pulled it out and stared at Logan's name flashing across the LCD screen.

Logan she couldn't quite believe he would hire a detective but she knew he had, something in the pit of her stomach told her that her fears were right. The phone buzzed softly across the open palm of her hand. She wanted to be angry at him but she couldn't muster up the energy to feel anything toward him at the moment. The phone suddenly stopped and she pushed it back into her pocket as her feet started their migration forward once again. From her pocket the phone beeped. She had a message. Without thinking she pulled the phone from its spot once again and pushed to hear her message, lifting it to her ear.

"Rory!" He was happy, loud, bubbly. It jarred her. "Can I just tell you never be patient again. Hurry…" She pulled the phone from her ear simultaneously shutting it. Squeezing her eyes shut she tried to block out the days events.

If only there were time machines.

But this wasn't _Back to the Future_ and she definitely wasn't Michael J. Fox. Spotting a sports bar ahead of her aptly named Harry after the common Joe.

"What can I get you?" The bartender asked as she took a stool at the bar.

"Rum and coke make it a double." She paid for the drink as he set the full cup in front of her. Taking a gulp she felt the alcohol course through her. Felt the liquor numb her extremities and start to haze her overactive mind.

"Lay it on me."

"Hmm…?" She looked up surprised to see the bartender...she read his nametag, Cal standing afore her.

"It's a slow night, you look like you need someone to bounce off of and frankly I need some bit of gossip, like I said its been a slow night."

She took another long drink. "My boyfriend lied to me put his and my life in danger. I got a visit from an old friend, and I found out it's my fault someone left town."

"It could be worse." He sympathised. She laughed darkly, if only he knew it was.

She finished off the drink in another gulp and rose from her chair. "Thanks for being my brick wall."

"No problem…" His voice faded as she left the bar. How could she think this would be solved by alcohol or a bartender?

She walked quickly feeling the blood carry the alcohol to every fibre.

It was wearing off though and already her mind was busy rewinding the day's events.

She came in quietly so as not to disturb him. Why she did so she wasn't certain maybe it was more for herself than for him. She didn't wish to bring it up with him, she wanted desperately to forget everything that had just happened. That bottle of tequila was looking better, why she had left that bar now she couldn't be quite sure. Logan wasn't asleep though, instead he was flipping aimlessly through channels on her small 27" television. A tear slid down her cheek, wiping it away without notice she walked into full view.

"Rory." He smiled getting up from the couch to greet her. It disappeared when she took a slow step away from him.

"I don't think this is going to work Logan." Rory spoke softly.

"What? You're joking right? Playing with me because of the whole sex skit we had going."

"No it has nothing do with that. Everything to do with this." She pulled the picture from her pocket. "I watched the closest person I ever knew die in front of me, another died because of me. I can't watch another one go down the same way. I won't."

"Rory you have it wrong."

"Do I Logan? Tell me you don't know this person tell me you didn't hire him to look into the east side mob."

"I did it to find the sunuvabitch who killed Mack."

"Why would you do that? After what you told me that night a couple months ago, do you remember Logan?"

"Of course I remember, how could I forget?"

"Why did you do it? I know you know that it wouldn't make a difference."

"It would make a difference to you."

"Did you even think this through? How could you think that you could find this guy and not bring the house down with him?"

"I…"

"Because you haven't even got that deep and they are already alerted to this guy. They are ready to off him if he gets any deeper. Call him off Logan. Tell him to go home to his family and leave this job alone."

"Rory."

"Don't argue with me Logan. Do it now."

"How do you know all this? Are you not telling me something?"

"I've always been watched Logan."

He looked baffled, grasping at straws to right the horrible mess the conversation was. "You were going to go to the police Rory, you wanted me to take that picture to them."

"I would never have gone through with it. I made a deal."

"You made a deal? With who?"

"Just go Logan." She backed off allowing a path to her door. "Go home phone this detective, you risk putting numerous people in jeopardy."

"Rory…"

"Logan…" Her eyes shone with hot tears unable to hold her emotions in check. "I need time, space. Please just go."

He didn't say another word but collected his jacket and left her apartment, not bothering to close the door. She went to it and gently shut it sliding the bolt into place she slid down the door landing at the foot of it her body shaking with sobs. Quiet hiccups spread from somewhere below her chest. They had been so good they had hit their stride, why had he felt the need to bring her past back? Could she ever forget that he had?

Her cell phone buzzed in her pocket and she reached for it pulling it to her ear.

"Hello." She breathed into the phone.

"Did you tell him?" It was Tim. She already knew that.

"He won't be bothering you anymore."

She heard him breathe a sigh of relief. "I'm sorry Rory that this happened to you. I never meant to come back, I truly didn't."

"I understand Tim."

"Okay."

"Okay."

The line clicked shut and she closed her phone.

She ran her fingers through her shoulder length chestnut hair. She made a decision.

She moved stealthily like a jaguar stalking its prey, to her computer. Waking it out of its two week hibernation she opened a word document and typed. Let her fingers find the story she wished to tell, one of happiness, failure, hope, grief, confusion, love, loss. She could only hope it would find its ending.

----

Jim had followed Rory's naughty old neighbour into the main entrance. Taking the stairs he beat her up to Rory's door.

He wasn't aware of the happenings of the night before.

Reaching her door, he found it slightly ajar. "Rory." He called out pushing the door open. Immediately he felt the emptiness of the space. "Rory." He called out again, his heart beating faster. He walked into her small common room. "Rory, are you here?" Out of chance he saw her computer, pictures of her family slid across the screensaver. He moved the mouse, a word document came up. 'What's a life?' he read on the first page. He took the mouse scrolling the bar, page after page was filled with type; almost three hundred pages. He noticed his name and read the page. It was her life. He felt a lump form in his throat a cold dread wash over him. Slowly he paged to the last sheet. His eyes scrolled across the last sentences brushing tears away from blocking his sight.

"_I'll be found amidst the wreckage."_

----

Rory pushed the wire buggy through the aisles humming along with the music filtered through the megamarts speakers. Poptarts. Jam. Rocky road ice-cream. Eggs. Celery. Ground meat.

Normal. She is normal.

----


	8. A Clean Slice

_You are entering the world of fiction. Suspend all beliefs now._

_Italics_ are flashbacks.

Chapter 8.

_A Clean Slice to Heal._

-------------------------------

She strode through the newspaper building nodding hello to the various employees, most she knew by name and not much more. Being an assistant to the editor-in-chief meant she had a desk in front of the editor's office. She pulled chair out from the desk and sat down looking at the small stack of manila folders piled on the corner. She pulled them toward her and opened the first one an article on Carbon Emissions: Hybrids VS. Gas powered vehicles by Curtis Able. She shut the file wrote a small A on it and set it aside. She opened the next one, a comic piece on the increase on attacks of small animals on people by Bob Sitter. Closing it she wrote a small S on it and set it aside, continuing to arrange it alphabetically.

_The elevator swished softly as it made its way toward the fourth floor. She was alone in the compartment shifting her fingers to relax the weight of the bags hanging from her hands. She made no move to relieve the pain completely; it kept her grounded reminded her she was firmly planted in this reality. _

_Finally the doors pinged open and she stepped into her hallway. Mentally she took inventory of the passage. Three painted pictures all of flowers in various colours, unframed they tried to add spice to the corridor. They didn't succeed. Dull incandescent lights illuminated the way in an otherwise windowless section of the building. _

_Rory reached her door, carefully balancing the bags on her knee she pulled out her key and slid it into the lock. The bolt clinked open and she pushed the door inward and stumbled through the threshold. She wasn't aware of the other presence in her apartment going straight to the kitchen. He didn't attempt to make himself known. She put the cans away, carefully arranging them in alphabetical order. _

"Rory, earth to Gilmore."

"Huh." She looked up to see her boss standing at the desk.

"You're late today. Everything okay?"

"Mmhmm…" She said non committal.

"Okay well I want to see you in my office."

"Good or bad?" She asked heavily.

"Good." He smiled, leaving her for his office.

"Hey"

Rory looked up again to see a woman, early twenties she estimated quickly, standing in front of her, "Hi."

She had seen her around the office but couldn't for the life of her remember her name or what the woman did.

"Is he finally going to give you that job? It's about time if you ask me." Why was this girl talking to her? She wondered, and how did she know her? "We down at the arts appreciate all the work you put in filing our articles." So she worked the arts section. Realizing that the woman had stopped speaking and was staring at her expectantly, Rory nodded and smiled.

"Sorry." She said as if feeling the tension in Rory. "You probably want to get in there."

"Right." Rory rose. Sam. That was her name. Now she remembered she had chatted with her once in the lunch room a few months ago. "Thanks Sam."

"Good luck." She smiled warmly before continuing on her way. Rory straitened her top watching Sam stride down the hallway. Consciously she wondered why the woman had chosen to talk to her today, be friendly the day she really needed a friendly comment when she had never more than said a quick hi in the halls before. Unconsciously though her mind whirled with the meeting with Wolfe and the events of the night before and the morning after.

She took a long breath letting her mind clear. This could be a step in the right direction. Feeling strangely comfortable, almost like that feeling that comes just before you're hit by the twister. She brushed the feeling off she'd already been through the wringer, and pushed Wolfe's door inward.

"Gilmore, Come in." The editor in chief smiled waving her in. She found her legs moving her forward, she was shaking again. "Congratulations Rory you earned the job and it's yours."

"Thank-you, Mr. Wolfe."

"I'm glad to have you writing for us, you have real talent, of course now I'm going to have to find a new assistant and you know she won't be as good as you." He smiled laughing lightly.

"_Oh my God!" Her hand flew to her heart feeling it beat with adrenalin. "Jim..How did you?...When did you?"_

"_You left the door open." He stumbled over his words unsure of himself. "You shouldn't do that, anybody could get in."_

"_Like psycho newspaper reporters." She quipped trying to appear at ease._

"_Yes, exactly." He smiled in return trying to erase his nagging conscience. _

"_Did you not hear me come in?"_

"_I…uh…Rory…"_

"_What's wrong…" She began, it dawned on her though that he was sitting in her swivel backed chair in front of her computer. The computer she had so flippantly left her life open on the screen. "I suppose you've read it, that's why you're acting like that."_

"_Rory, I'm…is it true?"_

"_Does it matter?"_

"_Why wouldn't it matter? Of course it matters, you are someone to me Rory, you have a real talent, you are…"_

"_Messed up. I messed up Jim."_

"Rory" Her boss questioned.

"Sorry I didn't get much sleep last night."

"You know what take the rest of the day off you don't look very well, we don't want you catching something." He smiled genuinely.

"No we don't." She forced a smile in response.

----

She pulled the shoulder bag farther up to rest more comfortable as she walked down the hall. Wolfe had insisted she take the day off going as far as to steal her chair so she couldn't sit.

"Rory, hey." She recognized Sam's voice and heard her run to catch up.

"Soooo?" She intoned.

"I got the job." Neutral.

"Congratulations!" She cheered with such glee that Rory smiled for the first time that day.

"Where are you going?"

"Wolfe sent me home, said I didn't look well."

"Let's go get a drink!"

"What?" She asked caught off guard.

"You look fine to me," she ticked the points off on her fingers, "it's almost four, lets go get a drink or two, celebrate, you know what that is right?"

"Not recently." Rory mumbled.

"No frowning right now. You can lay your head down later." She began jogging down the hall calling back. "Stay right there."

---

"Can I ask you something?" Rory asked as they made their way out of the building.

"Shoot." Sam replied as they exited the building.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Truthfully? I'm trying to get an interview with Logan."

"Oh." Her face fell.

"Kidding." She laughed.

"Oh." Rory forced a laugh.

"Sorry bad joke, I have a problem with that. Seriously though, you look about my age and there are very few younger writers." She pointed to a large oak door. "In here."

"So what's your deal?" She asked as they took a booth.

"_Rory you are not messed up. Where is this coming from? What's the deal?"_

"_You read it you should know." She retorted. _

"_Forget that Rory talk to me."_

_She stood there caught in his stare scared of saying out loud all of what she had written. To say it out loud made it real made it exist in the living world. She reached for an excuse._

"_I have to go to work Jim. I need to get ready. You need to go."_

"_Rory." He spoke sternly, but it slid off her._

"_Just go Jim, we'll talk later."_

"_Rory." He pleaded, it seemed to happen a lot lately him having to beg to be let into her life._

"_No" She shook her head. He lifted his shoulders up and down slowly, defeated. _

"Rory? Hey. You okay?"

"Sorry." She shook her head to rid the cobwebs. "My deal." She said getting back on topic. "I went to Yale for two years before I dropped out to do some lets call it soul searching after losing a close friend I got my shit together and took the journalism night program and found my way to this point."

"That's a good story." She nodded as the waiter came up. "Can I get a Long Island Iced tea and…" She looked over at Rory in question. "I'll take the same."

"Oh and two shots of tequila." The waiter walked off and Sam's attention moved back to Rory.

"What's the real story, the one that's gotten you to this point where you look as though you may breakdown?"

"Oh umm…" She let her voice trail off.

"Oh God I'm prying, that's another one of my flaws."

"It's just I have a hard time trusting people since…"

"I understand, me being a reporter probably doesn't help much either," The drinks made their grand entrance. "We're all given the loose lip stereotype, well you probably know that. Here." She handed a shot glass to Rory. "To your new job." The glasses clinked and both squinted as the liquid burned down their throats.

"So do you know of any good guys in this city? The last one I went out with ended up being engaged, let me tell you it didn't end quietly. The guy before that ended up being a 'gamer.'" She used air quotes. "You know the ones who'd give up food and sex if it helped them get farther in War of the Worlds or whatever it's called."

"War Craft."

"Yeah that's the one, but anyway." She stopped to take a drink. "Seattle moved here three years ago to pursue my dream further."

"Home of Starbucks." Rory exclaimed.

"That's the one."

"My mom and I always dreamed about what it would be like to live in the birthplace of one of the largest coffee vendors." She shared the memory taking a drink of the iced tea.

"A little rainy, make that a lot and overpriced." She answered in mock seriousness.

"So no dancing coffee queens or coffee bean rains?"

Sam chuckled. "Sadly no."

"I'll make sure to inform her."

"Is she a coffee nut?"

"Certifiably." Rory laughed. "We've lived on the stuff ever since I can remember."

"You and your Mom sound close."

"She's my best friend, she had me when she was young and taught me what perseverance meant, and a lesson I try furiously to live up to."

"That's awesome me and my Mom were never that close, we butted heads about everything."

"Do you want a refill?" Rory asked sucking up the last dregs of her drink.

"Yes please!"

----

"Does he talk with one of those huge Boston accents and a cigar hanging out of his mouth?" Sam asked laughing as they stumbled along the street to crash at her apartment.

"It's not funny." Rory whined.

"C'mon Rory you're living in _The Sopranos_ write this into a movie and you'd have a hit."

"I'm glad you see the bright side of this." Rory slurred sarcastically.

"No I'm sorry it's a terrible situation but what can you do with it but laugh now?" She explained with a seriousness that opposed her joking matter just moments before.

"You know what? You're right." She enthused, following Sam into a glass lined foyer. "What the hell am I moping for?"

"Thata girl!" Sam cheered. "Girl Power!"

"Girl power?" Rory laughed.

"Yeah I wish I could take that back." She chuckled and Rory broke out into a new fit of giggles as they entered the elevator.

"So Jim?" Sam asked suddenly. "Is he cute?"

"Oh yeah." Rory smirked as the doors closed.

----

"Hey." Rory whispered at the sleeping form of Sam. "Hey." She said a little louder.

Sam's eyes fluttered open. "He-ay." The greeting turned into pain as her hand went to her head to rub her temples.

"Here." Rory passed over the aspirin and the biggest glass of water she could find in the cupboards. "I have to go make some things right I left my number by the coffee pot filled with fresh coffee along with a phone number you can use or not, whatever you choose." Rory laughed lightly.

"Thanks hon."

"I think I have a lot more to thank you for."

"Don't even think about it, that's what new friends do." She attempted a wink causing Rory to laugh. "But cake -- cake is always good." Sam tried to chuckle but winced. "Next time we do this we pace ourselves."

"I won't disagree with you there." Rory matched Sam's grimace. "I'll talk to you later."

"Good luck with Logan."

"I never said it was him." Rory turned back.

"You didn't have to." She replied with amusement in her voice.

"Bye-ee" Rory replied rolling her eyes.

"Bye." Sam called back before groaning. Rory laughed again glad she had decided to drink all that water the night before while Sam laughed at her.

---

Rory stood outside Logan Huntzberger's door events two nights before rolling through her head, of all the nights they had spent together and all the memories they shared. The hollow knock echoed through the quiet morning of the buildings hallway. A few moments later the door swung open and Logan stood in full view already dressed.

"Hi." Rory greeted quietly.

"I heard you took a job with Wolfe." He bit into the welcome abruptly. "Geez Rory I understand you are mad at me but to throw me out and break our agreement and go work for him."

"Logan." She called trying to get his attention.

"I was just trying to get you some closure Rory." He pushed on.

"All my life Logan I've wanted to be a journalist, I wanted to work hard to get the life I want and the job I've always dreamed of." She explained leaving Tim out for the moment.

"I know that." He answered turning his back to her walking deeper into his apartment.

"If I took that job with you it would feel like I cheated," she followed him into the apartment, "even if I didn't. It wasn't meant to be a slight on you, but I should have told you I applied for it. I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" He looked at her the glow back in his eyes. "You're sorry!" He repeated louder.

"I deserve that." She flinched.

"Yeah you do, you come at me with murder in your eyes. You give me no explanation but you ream me out."

"I made a deal."

"So you said before." Anger.

"I made a deal with a man named Tim who works as an assassin for the mob, he was the mentor for Mack, and after Mack ran away the guy still looked out for him until Mack made himself completely disappear. Mack knew he was being trailed a few days before the attack and mailed a letter to Tim. The letter was about _me_ and how Mack wanted Tim to watch out for me. Tim made good on that by murdering the man who killed Mack and who had seen me witness it. A week or so after Mack's death, Tim approached me with a deal I give up any idea of investigating and pushing what happened and he'll make sure no one knows about me. I had no choice it was the deal or look down the barrel of a colt."

Logan laughed bitterly. "Wow Rory is that the best you could come up with?"

"Why are you being like this Logan? Listen to me."

"Me? You're the one who's coming at me with these lies and stories."

Tears of frustration, anger and loss brimmed in Rory's eyes her hands clenched fists held steadfastly at her sides. "None of it's a lie or a story Logan I may have left out some truths but I _never_ told stories. I will never have proof that any of it ever happened and if you don't believe me now I can't do anything to change that other than telling you that this, right now is my entire life including the ugly bits laid out before you."

He rubbed his temples, she could see tears in his eyes reflecting the tears in hers, she could see him fighting himself. She knew what he was going to say before he even did.

"I don't think it's our time." It was a breathy answer, the words floating in the air between them.

Without another word she left. She had come hoping things between them could go back to how they were but she knew it couldn't. Maybe sometime later they'd reconnect, like they say third times a charm, right now though there was just too much hurt and betrayal for either of them to get over. The slice was clean though and everything that was was out in the open, she could only hope it would heal and at least the memories would not be tainted, for either of them.

---

The door bell chimed throughout Jim's apartment building. Rory waited patiently. She heard steps then the door opened cautiously then opened wide when he realized it was her.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be." He stepped out and wrapped her in a hug before pulling her in through the door.

----


	9. A New Life

**A/N Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter I love them! They were all very inspiring so thank you.**

_You are entering the world of fiction. Suspend all beliefs now._

Chapter 9.

_A New Place_

------------------------

The train chugged peacefully along its well laid tracks. Rory Gilmore gazed out the window her forehead resting against the cool glass pane. Many of her forefathers travelled the same way to their new beginnings. They had gone with the hopes of new and prosperous jobs, ways to feed their families during harsh times. She was going to help build her burgeoning career and to more importantly start fresh. Again. For a little while at least. Four months she would be gone from Boston from her mother, from her new found friend, from Jim, from Logan it would be best to get away from the latter two. She let out a sigh watching as her breath clung to the window. She needed to give them both space. Over the last two weeks Logan had put his paper into print and moved Jim up to editor of the National section. And over those last two weeks Jim had found it increasingly hard to talk to her, they were best friends had been for the last two and a half years but now he was flighty and nervous never knowing what to say and what not to. It was because of his new position with her ex Logan, and even though he denied it, the open and scarring truths he had read that morning two weeks earlier that made him more…distant.

It was a long train ride. She had been given the option of flying but she had seen the railway as a way to relax, she had always been going, running really, to sit was to be idle and to be idle meant time to think on her actions, on murderous and gut wrenching images of Mack lying lifeless on the street. She had made peace with that past now and being idle no longer brought up those images. She mourned leaving the city where she had struggled with Mack but she knew he'd be happy for her and mad as hell if she hadn't taken this opportunity because of him. A two day train ride felt like a lifetime to think and lounge.

She rolled her head back onto the seat and pulled the blanket covering her up to her chin.

"_Rory." Wolfe's voice commanded attention like none she'd ever heard._

"_Yes, sir." She stood up groaning as he smiled, knowing he had ployed her into acting out the cadet to his officer._

"_There's a four month job opening in the rainy city of Seattle. One of the regular columnists is taking a four month leave of absence and the paper has sent out a memo for any interested candidates to apply. It's only temporary but it would be a great opportunity to write full time, and learn from some new faces, not that we're getting old."_

"_Only senile." She quipped._

"_Ouch." He scrunched his face in pain. "I know the editor, we graduated same year from Yale, if you want the job it's yours."_

"_Thank you. Do you mind if I think on it?"_

"_Sure but don't take too long I've got sway but not if they've already hired someone."_

"_Thanks."_

_Later that day she called up her mom for advice. "Rory, the man has complete faith in you he sees what I've seen since you could talk you have that passion, fire and determination to make it big in that grand ol' profession of yours."_

"_But I've only been working here for two weeks others have been working here a lot longer."_

"_You're good Rory that's why he's giving you this opportunity, do I need to do my you have fire speech again?"_

"_No." She groaned._

"_Good this is your break Kid. Take it while you can. You'll be back as soon as you know it anyway it's not like it's a permanent job its one to get your hands a little more calloused..."_

Just like that she was being shipped off to Seattle. She chuckled lightly under her breath her mom had been so jealous she was going to visit the coffee capital of America and Rory had promised to milk that jealousy for all it was worth.

But it wasn't really like she was starting fresh she rewound her conversation from before, she had excepted everything that had happened she was moving forward with the confidence of the future and the confidence of the past.

----

She exited the train her legs shaking on solid stable ground as if she were still being taken along on the slow moving tracks and she was reminded of what Stellar had said about walking on land for the first time after being at sea for several months. No one around her appeared to suffer from the same ailment people whizzed past her with bags wheeling behind them or buggies stacked high in front of them, and the voices surrounded her, all clamouring to be heard above the din. Rory staggered forward clutching at the two wheeling bags behind her for support. There against the building she spotted an open bench. She sat gratefully on the wooden slats leaning back on the building warmed from the eastern morning sun.

The thought plunged through the din and caught her unaware and she inhaled sharply with the knowingness that she was in another state on the other side of America with a whole new adventure ahead.

She squeezed her eyes shut and there was Mack standing before her his guitar strapped to his back and a joint lolling between his lips. I made it Mack. The Mack before her grinned wildly the joint disappeared she reached forward to high five the mirage.

Her eyes popped open at the soft fluffy feeling under her hand. Sitting in front of her sat a golden furred canine her hand must have landed on him when she had made to high five. She pulled her hand away and the dog turned his face to her, brown innocent eyes stared at her, he seemed to laugh at her as his tongue split his mouth and his breath came in beats. She smiled back at the dog and reached to give him another pat on the head. The dog wiggled closer to her and stuck his wet nose under the hand that had pet her willing it to resume its previous position, she chuckled and obliged the dog.

A man trotted up to the pair at that moment. "Thank you." He breathed. Rory and the dog looked at him in askance. "For holding my dog, little bugger got away. Didn't you." He finished off talking to the golden in that cutesy but I'm going to _so_ make you suffer for this voice that pet owners often take on. "He's just a pup though almost a year so he can be a bit of a handful and it was either bring him with me or let him chew up my apartment. I'm picking up my mom she's visiting from Oregon. That's her." She followed his hand to a well clad woman standing by a heap of bags. A cell phone shoved to her ear she was gesturing wildly presumably to the person on the other end of that phone.

Rory looked back at the man before her, still petting the dog, he was in his early twenties wearing dusty blue jeans with a black tee a chain hung down from his neck, his eyes were a piercing blue green. His hand came down to fiddle with the silver chain around his neck as he continued to stare at his mom. "Never did pack light even when we'd go on two day outings, she's down here for a vacation." He explained as his attention moved back to Rory. "She's a big shot lawyer and even though she really does mean well and does genuinely want to see me she'll spend a lot of her time on that damn phone." Rory nodded her head emphatically her lips curling up amused at the fact that this complete stranger felt compelled to share all this. "Are you waiting for the train?" The hand that twittled with the chain hitched back in the direction of the tracks.

"No." She shook her head, then compelled she told him what she was doing in Seattle.

"A journalist, wow, big career." He took a seat next to her, looking over at his mom who still nattered on the phone.

"So you're new to the city?"

"Yup just like Violet in New York except well I have a job and can't sing and…"

"Here." He laughed, cutting off her ramble she smiled grateful.

"Jesse Lawson, Manager." She read off the name. "Lawson Acts."

"I manage a couple acts, give me a call." He took the card back and scribbled his cell number on it. "I'll show you around the city, you know so you won't have to dance on a bar to know all the good places."

"Ooo, will we go pack fish at five in the morning?"

"Unfortunately no but we can go have breakfast at this little bistro."

"Oh la la." She trilled.

"Oh I better go my Mom's off." He stood up clipping a black leather leash to the canine. "Sorry I didn't get your name?"

"Rory."

"Nice to meet you Rory." He reached out a hand and she shook it in a firm grasp.

"Let's go Jesse."

"Jesse?" Rory arched an eyebrow.

"It's a long story, if you give me a call I'll tell you about it."

"Are you bribing me?"

"Maybe." He laughed a deep merry laugh.

She watched after his back as he lead Jesse and his Mom out of the station. Feeling more confident she slipped the card in her pocket and walked to the exit.

---

"Where to miss?" The cabbie asked as she slid into the back seat.

"Oh umm…hold on." She fished in her bag and brought out the apartment's address and relayed it to the cab driver. As she put the address into her pants pocket the business card fell out. Picking it up off the floor of the cab she thumbed the embossed logo. "Lawson" She murmured aloud.

"Lawson?" The cab driver barked. "You one of them?"

"No I met a Jesse Lawson at the train station, why? Do you know them?"

"Sure Alison Lawson is a social and political heavyweight in Oregon. Her law firm handles the biggest and baddest high profile cases."

"Figures." She muttered under her breath.

"Sorry?"

"Figures that the guy I meet is a blue blood."

"I can't vouch for the son but the Mom is about as elite as they come. Why does it figure you'd meet a blue blood?"

"Ahh well now that is a story, one which I don't feel like reliving, but if you have to know," She laughed. "Actually nevermind…"

"You're a blue blood are you?"

"I guess technically I am my mom never considered us one, and I definitely don't consider myself one now. So back to the Alison Lawson, married?"

He laughed. "Husband died about ten years ago, what was it again?" He hummed a tune pondering. "Lung Cancer."

She winced. "That's harsh. What about children?"

"Pretty sure just two, the prodigal son and daughter. The girl I know is following in her mother's footsteps, Brooke Lawson. The son I don't know, haven't seen him in any news stories for a long while, falling out maybe?"

"Hmm…I doubt that she was visiting when I met him."

"Well then I don't know then."

"So the Lawsons? They're obviously in the paper a lot or you're a really good stalker."

"I'll take the latter."

She laughed. "So tell me something I must need to know about Seattle."

"An umbrella is always an asset even when it looks like there's going to be a heat wave, and you can always find a Starbucks."

"Alright!"

"Is this your first time here?"

"Yup, I got a four month job working at the Seattle Times."

"That's a good paper I read it daily with my coffee and muffin."

"What about you have you lived here all your life?"

"Nah, I moved here sixteen years ago from South Africa to give my family better opportunities."

"Must have been a hard move."

"It was but my daughter's going to be a surgeon and my son has a steady job as a mechanic."

"That's great." He pulled of the street and parked in front of a large building lined from ground to top in black windows.

"Wow" She breathed. "Is this it?"

"Yup some digs you got there." He opened the door and got out of the taxi and walked to the trunk. Rory followed.

"I'm renting it for half the price from the woman I'm replacing."

"Enjoy then."

"I'll try, how much do I owe you?"

He checked the odometer and fed her the fare. "Thank you so much umm.."

"Clive."

"Clive, thank you, that was the best taxi ride I've had in awhile."

"I appreciate that. Good luck at your job."

"Thanks." She nodded. "Bye."

The elevator doors opened to the sixth floor an audible gasp escaping her lips. The hallway was massive, with lush beige carpets and plants lining it. She stuck the key in the door of suite twenty-six the door swung inward and she awed at her home for the next four months.

"Hello." Lorelai answered her phone distractedly.

"So I think I landed in Charles Kane's mansion."

"Well make sure you ask him what rosebud means."

"This place is amazing, the collection of books my God Mom there's an entire wall devoted to literature."

"Well you did say she was a reporter."

"And the kitchen is spectacular, sparkling oven and fridge."

"You don't cook."

"I do too!"

"Right, right spaghetti and mac 'n' cheese."

"I'll have you know, Jim's been teaching me quite a few new recipes and I cook a mean mac 'n' cheese." She heard her mother howl with laughter on the other end. "Well there's a coffee vendor on every street corner."

"Mean."

"Sorry." She chuckled.

"So seriously you got there okay?"

"Yeah it was a good ride got to think a lot."

"Good."

"Yeah good…" She trailed off walking around into the kitchen. "I miss you Mom."

"I miss you too kid, but we'll be okay."

"Yeah I - Holy Shit!" Rory screamed clutching at her chest as adrenalin coursed through her veins. Calming down she heard her mother screaming over the line. "Why are you screaming?" She managed to laugh.

"Because you are. Why is that?"

"There's a cat." She watched the furry creature tip toe toward her along the counter.

"A cat?"

"A cat, a four legged, long haired, Homeward Bound cat, why is there a cat?"

"Did you know?"

"Yep I knew that's why I'm so alarmed."

"Well…"

"There's a note."

"A note!" Lorelai exclaimed.

Rory picked the eight by ten piece of paper and held it at arms length. "Rory, enjoy your stay…blah…blah…blah…" She skimmed through bits on the apartment, food, and the paper. "Here we go hope you don't mind Buffy, _Buffy,_ I was going to take her to a kennel but then I thought maybe you'd like the company she's a darling. I stacked up on food but don't feel like you need to, my neighbour in twenty-seven will take her if you don't want to. Huh…"

"Do you think you'll keep her or send her to the ominous twenty-seven?"

"She is pretty cute." Rory mused scratching the silky fur under the cats chin. "I do love that she named her cat after Buffy the Vampire Slayer."

----

Rory Gilmore had a routine going. Up at six thirty feed Buffy, shower, dress, head to the local gym (a fact her mother mocked but she was proud of) then head to work for nine. Depending on what she was writing she'd be at her desk or off getting interviews and following up facts. By five she'd usually be heading back to the apartment, stopping at one of the nearby restaurants for dinner for one. And by nine she'd be tucked under the covers in the air conditioned apartment mocking one of the many summer reality shows.

And close to every day she was greeted in the hallway by her friendly neighbour.

"Rory dear hello." Mrs. Henkelstien called from her open apartment door.

"Mrs. Henkelstien, how are you this morning?" Mrs. Henkelstien is the elderly lady who lives in suite twenty-seven, the neighbour who was going to take Buffy if Rory had wanted her to.

"Quite well my dear. Congratulations on the piece in the paper second page of the Arts you're moving up."

"Thank you." Rory beamed. "How's Lucy's infection." Lucy was one of four cats Mrs. Henkelstien owned. They kept her patient she said after her husband had passed away and her daughter had moved to Japan to teach English.

"It's clearing up quite well."

"Glad to hear it." Mrs. H was the first neighbour Rory had met, she had come over the second night Rory had moved in with a sweet smelling apple pie, a kind act that reminded Rory of her beloved Stars Hollow and instantly compelled her to the woman.

"Are you off to work now?"

"Yes." Rory answered energetically. "New and exciting stories to follow."

"Find them well, you've got the sniffer for it." Rory laughed.

"Alright Mrs H." The elevator doors pinged open, she entered waving goodbye.

"Hey Laurie." Rory greeted the receptionist as she made her way up to the second floor of the Seattle Times Paper. Laurie managed a small wave before being hit by another onslaught of calls.

Rory Gilmore was four weeks into the job at the Seattle Times and so far she was loving it. Her pieces were small but each one published was important to her confidence, to her career. She had been taken under the wing of Kristine Lemming one of the senior editors for the Arts and Life section as well as the Local Seattle news. Rory had soaked in every bit of information she could from Kristine. Everything from where the best coffee could be found to tips on writing the most concise article, and Rory had excelled under Ms Lemming's guidance. Rory was given a wide variety of articles to write, Kristine wanted her to get experience in writing all types of articles and Rory was grateful.

She had barely got settled into her seat when Kristine was in front of her.

"How's it going?" Kristine greeted.

"Good so far."

"Good, look how's the piece on where to get the best cup of joe going?"

"Great actually I was just about to finish it off."

"Good, because I want you to do a review tonight, we're putting together a list of good local indie bands, if these guys are good I want you to write up a little blurb on them as well."

"Okay."

"Great. Don't worry about coming in tomorrow I have a feeling you'll be having a raucous night."

"Can't wait." She enthused sarcastically.

"No seriously you will, just send the piece in electronically before four."

----

So today was to be a deviation from her normal routine. Kristine had booked her to review The Cedars at Club 67. So here she was at home polishing off a sweet-and-sour pork, chow mein combo before getting ready. Buffy lay on Rory's bed as she rifled through her clothes, finally deciding on a grey and white Armani tee her Mom bought her as a congratulations/going away gift and midnight blue jeans that hugged her curves. Her brown hair hung straight over her back. Rory packed her purse with notepad, a few pens, money, press pass, and the silver lighter she always kept close. Quickly she applied more mascara and lip gloss before pulling on her boots and exiting the apartment blowing a kiss to Buffy.

-

She awkwardly avoided looking at anyone as she passed the winding line-up outside the club, flashing her press pass at the bouncers she quickly passed through the arches of Club 67. Inside she found a spot at the bar and ordered a white rum and coke. The band wasn't going on for another twenty minutes. She scanned the room sipping on the drink, she hated arriving early to reviews she had avoided the night scene ever since she had arrived in Seattle. Discovering Jesse was a blue blood had just reminded her of Logan and the fact that dating usually meant messy complicated feelings and she was here to work and…think of the devil, she smiled ironically. There in the corner of the room in a private booth sat Jesse Lawson and two other men one blonde and one brown. Before she knew what she was doing she was rushing over to the table toward the familiar brown haired mop.

"Finn." She cried when she was within ear and eye shot. The trio lifted their heads and she was greeted with the familiar smile and twinkling eyes of the Australian hottie.

"Love" Finn exclaimed pushing out of the booth and wrapping her in a bear hug. "It's been a long time." He spoke into her ear.

"That it has." She answered back.

"Let me see you." He smiled holding her at arms length eyeing her up and down. "As debonair as ever."

She felt the heat rush to her cheeks. "You always could make me blush." He laughed.

"Come sit, come sit." He ushered her toward the table and waved her into the booth next to him, the blonde had wandered off but Jesse sat across from them a small smile pasted on his face. "Oh right Rory this is…"

"Jesse." She answered for him wishing this soon to be awkward moment would end quickly.

"You know each other…shoulda known Jesse would know you, he knows all the beautiful women in this town." Rory arched an eyebrow at the man opposite her suddenly she didn't feel so sorry she blew him off.

"He's just kidding I don't have the time for that many women." Jesse countered guessing what Rory was thinking.

"Ahh yes Jesse here's going to be a big shot manager, his band is playing tonight."

"You're band huh, that's actually why I'm here I'm reviewing it for the Seattle Times."

"Reporter girl? You made it." Finn turned his beaming Aussie smile on her. "We all knew you would." We, including Logan she felt the butterflies take off, had Finn and Logan not been in touch? He didn't seem to know about what had happened between them again. "Rory?" She heard Finn call her, from afar. She put on a bright smile hoping it would wipe out thoughts of Logan.

"Yeah I made it, just here until September then I'll be back in Boston at the Times there."

"Then we shall make a night of it!" Finn declared. "Love!" He called the nearest waitress. "Another round please."

Rory laughed and felt Logan slip to the back of her thoughts once again. "Can it wait until after a few songs I need to be this side of drunk to write."

"Anything for you love." Finn chuckled throwing an arm around her shoulders.

The drinks came and the band played, they didn't leave until the wee hours of the night.

Rory woke up with the seven dwarfs working the mines in her head. She didn't want to move but with bleary eyes she searched for clock telling her she was already way past her wake up time, she didn't have to be at the office today but she did have to submit the review. At the moment writing an article didn't seem likely, hell even rolling over was looking like a grim proposition. Leave it to Finn to…oh God Finn she thought…they had all left, herself, Jesse, and Finn at the same time but he had gone off with a red head and she had…come home with Jesse along, she couldn't remember anything after that her mind was blank. Her heart sped up and she could feel the adrenalin rush down to her toes and fingers, something had happened she could _feel_ it. She looked frantically around the room but she was alone, there were no clothes littered the floor and no sound other than her breathing.

She let her head fall back onto the pillow slowing her rapid breaths. A wail ripped through her head and reminded her why she hadn't woke up till eleven. The wailing ripped again, stretching her hand out she searched for the culprit and managed to click the button before it had a chance to scream again.

"Hello." Her voice came out broken and groggy.

"How many times have I told you water, water, water." The voice chastised.

"Not enough apparently, Sam." Rory groaned.

"So you've finally found the night life in Seattle."

"In a round about way." Rory answered rubbing circles on her temples. "I was reviewing a band and I ran into an old friend."

"Ooo…" Sam fawned. "Do tell."

"Nothing like that."

"No matter I still want details."

"Can we put that on hold?" Rory groaned trying not to make any sudden movements. "Until after I have an aspirin and lots of water?"

"Fine." Rory could hear the pout across the country.

"Thanks. I'll call you when my head stops feeling like Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker are doing nun chucks."

"Alright." Sam chuckled. "Bye."

"Bye." Rory croaked.

-

Sam hung the phone back on its cradle.

"You didn't tell her."

"She was severly hung over I can't tell her when she's in that state."

"I guess."

"It'll be fine."

-----

Rory gingerly pushed herself off the bed and into her bathroom. She stopped short before her mirror. There taped to the mirror was a note, not one she had written.

_Rory,_

_I had an early meeting hope you don't mind I took some aspirin. You said you didn't have to go to the paper today so I didn't wake you. If you're feeling the hangover I am you probably wish you were still sleeping._

_I'll call later._

_Jesse_

And with that her stomach plunged and all the lost memories of last night came back in a woosh.

Pleasures, and ecstasies, pains and wants and _needs_.

She swallowed an aspirin with a shaky hand. Rory pulled the note down and stared into the mirror gripping the sink. It was still her that stared back, she didn't feel horrible people did this all the time, flings. She could do it. She'd done it with Logan.

At first.

But not really.

-----


	10. Means to an End

A/N: So it's been a long hiatus, I hit a wall with this story, but Rory's back now and I thought it only fitting that the story move ahead. So here we are one and a half years from where we left, obviously there will be some events that need to be filled in, those will come as Rory comes to terms with herself.

_You are entering the world of fiction. Suspend all beliefs now._

* * *

Chapter 2.

_Means to an End_

The phone buzzed in her pocket, she let it ring rushing to put the finishing touches on a piece for the local Bellingham paper. The phone buzzed again and then a third on the fourth she angrily flipped it open. "This better be important." She informed her caller.

"Lorelai" She clutched the cell in shock. It had been two years since she'd heard his voice a year and a half since the last she'd heard of him.

"Lorelai can you hear me?" His breathing came in ragged pants. "Lorelai"

"Yes, yeah Tim I'm here" Thoughts streamed through her mind but none of them stuck and none of them gave her a command about what to do.

"There's a safety deposit box at the Bank of America in Boston number two-five-six. Everything you need to bring down the eastsider's top guns is in there. Can I trust you Rory?" He used her name she irrationally thought; he had never called her by that.

"I swore to myself I'd never go back."

"I don't have time for your touchy feely crap. Will you do it?"

"Why? Why don't you do it?" She breathed accusingly into the receiver.

"They found out I was putting files on them two days ago, yesterday they put a hit out on me I don't leave now I'm a dead man. I'm sure you see the irony in that. And I probably deserve to be put down it's a cowardly act to betray your own gang"

"It's a cowardly act to kill someone in the first place" She interjected.

"But I won't go like this. It's all in there Rory two-five-six." He went on seemingly deaf to her accusation.

"They'll kill me for it." She stated bluntly.

"They might." He agreed. "But you'll find a way so they won't find out. This is your chance Lorelai to get your revenge."

"I've never wanted that."

"Everyone wants that." She heard gun shots ring over the loose connection. "Look I gotta go, but I'll be watching and waiting."

"Wait!" She yelled into the phone.

"I never break a promise." It came through the phone from a distance before it crashed to the cement ground. She finally let her hand release the cell and it too crashed to the floor but this one was the hard linoleum floor of her Bellingham work space.

"I'm going back." She voiced to the blank walls in disbelief. She hadn't been back since graduation. The night she left with Jesse she swore she'd never come back, nothing remained the same after. She lost almost all contact with Sam and Jim, she broke up with Jesse when her contract with the Seattle Times ended and she quit the job waiting back at the Boston branch. She moved to Bellingham bought a workspace and did freelance writing and advertising. She took a part time job as a bartender at a local sports bar when the nights became too much to bear alone. She had become that woman who went through her rut with neither glee or disappointment she was just there filling space until the real Rory could break free again.

And that Rory was about to bust through with a vengeance and take the eastsiders by storm under an infamous name they both knew.

With purpose she finished the last few paragraphs of the article she was writing for the times and packed up her workspace. Suddenly she knew why she had never decorated the space it never felt like hers, it had always been the means to a dream. One that had never come quite to fruition.


	11. Flashbacks Abound Going Home

A/N: Thank you to everyone who read the last chapter and special thanxs to everyone who reviewed. This chapter is packed with flashbacks and I'm not so sure how that will go over, next chapter will be all action (hopefully).

_You are entering the world of fiction. Suspend all beliefs now._

* * *

Chapter 11. 

Flashbacks Abound; Going Home

"You do what you need to do Rory. Be safe." They stood just outside the airport security.

"Thanks" She pulled Jesse into a hug. "For everything." They despite their breakup remained in contact over the last two years. He was engaged to a gorgeous woman that never ceased to make him smile and Rory knew secretly it pained him to watch her push herself into a corner.

"Of course. Keep in touch." He rubbed her arm.

"I'll be at your wedding." She vowed. He gave her a smile. Somehow she got the feeling though he didn't quite believe her. She didn't blame him; she had walked out of people's lives before.

---

_She wasn't avoiding him, she was choosing oblivion letting her answering system act as a sort of pseudo Rory, one that didn't need to think or have feelings. He had phoned three times each call a few hours after the last, she wanted to believe he was just needy that way she could easily blow him off, but she knew the reason. Jesse was a good guy he wanted to make sure she wasn't fuming made at his early exit. She wasn't she assured the recorded voice of Jesse for the third time, she was mad at the fact that she had sex with him in the first place. Why the hell had she done it? Okay so it was the numerous glasses of vodka tonics and his really good smelling after shave that made her do it. But she shouldn't have. She didn't move to Seattle for the night life and the certain perks it afforded her she moved her__e__ for her career, a chance to move up the proverbial ladder. There was no choice in the matter, whatever it __had been__ with Jesse it could not happen again. _

_To seal her decision she pulled out a blank sheet of paper from her printer and a pen and wrote in big bold lette__s__r, NO MORE PERKS RORY GILMORE. I PROMIS__E. Then she tacked the sheet to her borrowed bulletin board. _

_The phone rang again as she sat down, this time instead of letting it go to her voice mail she picked up fully prepared to tell Jesse that she couldn't see him again. But it wasn't Jesse's deep voice that answered but the lighter voice of Sam._

_"Oh hey Sam."__ Rory sighed into the phone._

_"You sound disappointed were you hoping it was mystery man?" She could practically see Sam's eyebrows wiggle salaciously._

_"Yes, no." Rory evaded._

_"Well spill girl."_

_"It was nothing really, I met this old college buddy__ Finn__ and we drank. A lot." She didn't know why she had left Jesse out she hadn't intended to it just never came out of her mouth, and once Finn was out there in the open she didn't see it necessary to say anymore about Jesse._

_"So there was no dun dun dun?" She singsonged._

_"No." Rory laughed, hoping her nerves didn't show through. She didn't know that Sam was trying just as hard to not show her own nerves. _

_"That's too bad." There was a long pause, as both girls struggled for a moment in truths not told. "So there was a reason I called."__ Sam finally breathed over the line._

_"And here I thought it was just to hear my sweet voice." Rory joked, swivelling__ playfully__ around in her chair._

_"Of course that too.__" Sam laughed and this time Rory heard the nerves chime through. She waited patiently on the line though, even as her veins shook in anticipation._

_"I don't really know how to say this so I'll just say it...I was missing my new friend when I found this number she had given me that first night we had met, it was her best friend__'__s number and I decided to give him a call see if he wanted to g__o for a drink." She paused then as if waiting for a response._

_"That's great Sam." Rory smiled ungripping her hand from around the pen she hadn't realized she was clutching.__ "I don't know why'd you be..."_

_"Wegotmarried." Sam breathed out in one quick earth shuddering breath. Rory squeezed the pen back into her hand. Had someone just socked her in the gut? How could they have gotten married? They had only known each other for a maximum of a month. How could they find happiness? Weren't they working on their careers too?_

_"That's..." She began, then faltered. "Congrats Sam, I'm happy you two found each other." _

_"Thanks Rory. Jim was a little apprehensive telling you but I was sure you would be happy with..."_

_"Look Sam I have to go, I'll call you tomorrow ok." She didn't wait for a response. A smile touched her lips but didn't reach her eyes. Her friends found love. She was silly to put her life on hold for a career, Sam and Jim hadn't. _

_"Hi Operator can I ge__t the address for a Jesse Lawson?__" She scribbled the number down on her scratch pad. "Thank you."_

--------

In blue jeans and white hoodie she turned her back on the fourth chapter of her life.

--

"Miss, can I get you something to drink?" The stewardess offered.

"Sure, a water." The stewardess with the name tag Katie passed the bottle over Rory's snoozing seatmate.

"Thanks." Rory took the water and twisted off the cap, looking back out the small oval window watching as the city grew smaller and smaller. Seattle had held so many hopes and opportunities for her and some dreams had come true for bits at least.

---------

_"Rory." He scratched his mussed head obviously just woken from his bed. Once she had the address it had taken her the next three hours to work up the nerve to find the apartment which led her to eleven at night._

_"Hey." She smiled a little apologetically. When he still stood in his doorway rubbing his head, she gestured to the living room. "Can I?"_

_"Oh right." He yawned. "Come in."__ As he shut the door behind him, Jesse Jr. finally clued in that a stranger had been at the door and came charging out from a back room. _

_"Hey boy." She rubbed the golden's head.__ "Sorry to barge in on you and wake you up."_

_"No it's no problem Rory, I'm glad to see you. You know I've been calling you?"_

_"I know." She sighed moving to stand in front of him. "__I was avoiding you." She paused looking at the space on the floor between their feet, trying to think of the right thing to say. _

_She felt the weight of his hand on her shoulder. "Hey." He whispered. She waited a moment before looking at him. It was a special person that had smiling eyes, __and Jesse's hazel eyes were spreading warmth down to her toes__. Her breath hitched in her throat__. Before she knew what was happening she was closing the gap between them, their lips only an air space apart. This time they would be stone cold sober. This time she was making the choice for herself.__ It was the right choice for the moment._

---------

The man beside her quietly snored, his rhythmic breathing lulling her into a light sleep. Soon she was dreaming a dream she'd had many times before. A dream that wasn't a true dream but the memory of a day she couldn't forget whether she wanted to or not.

_"Rory Gilmore." The president of Boston College announced her name through the auditorium. Gracefully Rory strode onto the stage to receive her diploma. Grasping the journalism chair's hand in her right and her diploma in her left she beamed out to the audience to see her Mom snapping pictures furiously. Lane, Zach, Luke, Paris, Sam and Jim sat dead center in the auditory seats. She gave a little wave as she moved off stage, she couldn't have been more happy in that moment__ in her cap and gown. Sure it hadn't been __what the twelve year old Rory had expected but it was exactly what this twenty five year old Rory loved about the life she was living_

_The scene dissolved and shifted._

_"Congratulations Rory." Her mom spoke into her hair as she hugged her only daughter._

_"Thanks Mom." She smiled as they parted. "Luke." Rory called him warmly as she pulled him into a hug._

_"Rory." Luke choked out as they parted._

_"Luke are you choking up again?" Lorelai teased._

_"No..." He coughed covering his mouth._

_"He was blubbering when you walked across the stage." Lorelai explained grabbing Luke's arm._

_"I was not." He retorted._

_"Don't hide it Luke, makes you look macho." Rory smiled._

_"We brought you a present hun."_

_"Ooo.." Rory cooed. "What did you get me?"_

_"Look right down there." Lorelai moved off to the side of the __aisle they stood in. Rory's gaze followed the rows of seats to see a dark haired man standing at the end. "Jesse!" She called giddily. "How'd you?" She turned to her Mom__ eyes sparkling._

_"I'm your Mother." Lorelai said as if it needed no other explanation. Rory chuckled, then rushed down the aisle to meet her boyfriend of a month._

_"Hey grad." He greeted, his eyes smiling at her._

_"Hey you, you're here." Rory pointed not quite believing it._

_"I am. I wouldn't miss it." He winked__, causing her to grin even wider._

_"Oh I'm so glad you're here." She squealed rushing into his arms. It was a weird sensation that hit her in that moment. It was as if she was seeing another life. Under the night sky she squealed __'__Oh I'm so glad you're here.__'__ She lived a life alone in a penthouse. She had it all fed to her in this life. She didn't live with her independence, and she lov__ed it...all. Her mind rebuked, t__here were__ Rory's colliding in timeframes. S__he wouldn't ever have known she wouldn't have been happy. Neither would he, fighting his father. It all made sense then fate had showed her the door and though she felt mo__re heartache for dreams unfilled and lives taken to short she was better for it, happier for it and so was he as far as she __was__ concerned then. Fate gave them separate paths through door number two._

_"Rory you alright?"__ Jesse prompted._

_"Yeah," She paused trying to compose herself. "Yes I'm so glad you're here. You met my Mom?"_

_"Yes and you two really are clones of each other." He whispered in her ear, causing her to shiver and laugh._

_"Come meet the gang." She grabbed his hand leading him over to where her Mother and Luke were in a heated staring competition, and the two couples chatted a few feet away.__ Jesse got along with everyone, he was a charmer__ that was his job after all and she would have thought it was all job if she hadn't known him like she did._

_"Hey Rory." A voice called breaking her away from the group chat._

_"Charlene." Rory greeted her petite classmate. "We made it!"_

_"It was a fun year." Charlene replied smiling, a bouquet of __sunflowers__ cradled in her arms. "And it's only going to get better."_

_"Amen to that." Rory cheered. "Are those from Jordan?" Rory pointed to the bouquet, referring to Charlene's giant boyfriend._

_"Huh?" She looked puzzled for a second. "Oh right." She held up the __sunflowers__. "No these are for you, there was a blonde man outside, he asked me if I knew you and if I would give these to you.__I told__ him you were inside and to feel free to go give them himself, but he insisted." She shrugged holding the flowers for Rory to take. Rory almost didn't want to take them, she knew instantly that they were from Logan __she had a feeling all day that he was watching her. _

_"Rory you okay?" Charlene asked when the flowers didn't leave __her hand. _

_Rory nodded slowly takin__g the bouquet. Giving Charlene a weak smile, "Thanks, I'll see you at the dinner."_

_"Okay see ya there." Charlene said goodbye to the rest of Rory's party and turned to leave._

_"Let me hold those for you Rory." It was Jim, from the concern in his eyes he knew exactly who the blonde man had been. Rory gratefully handed the flowers over to him. _

_"Alright how about this dinner." Sam chimed in breaking the built up tension. Rory smiled grabbing Jesse's hand and leading the way out of the auditorium. _

Rory woke with a start, inhaling a deep breath. "Sorry there mate." The man beside her apologized. "Didn't mean to elbow you."

Rory smiled weakly in an attempt to cover up how annoyed she felt. She never liked waking from that particular dream; it just made it worse by being woken by a flailing elbow. She rubbed the palms of her hands over her sleepy eyes. She wasn't sure what she was doing, she hadn't left that day with very good memories. But this wasn't for her she reminded herself this was for Mack and for every other soul destroyed, polluted or enslaved to an organization that required so much and gave so little.

She couldn't lie to herself though, this was as much for Mack as it was about seeing Jim and especially Logan. At the moment she and Jesse called it quits he had told her that he knew she still carried an ember for Logan that no matter who she ended up with they would always pale in comparison to Logan. 'You gave yourself fully Rory but there was always this little bit of you that wanted Logan to show up at your door and sweep you away.' She remembered that quote as if he had told it to her yesterday. Funny thing was he had, not at her door but that night of her graduation, he had wanted her to stay with him, but she had refused.

_She didn't know what compelled her to drive up to the hill that night, she hadn't even let anyone know she had left, she rationalized that she would be back before anyone would even realize she was missing. As she stepped out of her Mom's jeep and saw the shadow of a man standing staring at the stars she knew why she had come and she knew she should get back in the car that moment and not look back. But she couldn't and hadn't__ instead her feet took her forward, and her hand took his in hers. And they stood there in silence staring at the stars watching them twinkle down at them._

_"I come here a lot." He whispered over the stars. "To think about life, to think about those that got away."_

_"Logan." Rory whispered back, her voice full of pain and anger, wishing he would stop, wishing that he wouldn't break the moment._

_"Stay __Rory, I__ get it I should never have hired him." A single tear tracked down her porcelain cheek. "I should never have pushed you away." It felt as if someone had socked her in the gut. "But it's too late now isn't it?" He waited for the answer but she couldn't give him one, instead she turned on her heel and left. He called out for her but her feet never __stopped;__ she got back into the jeep and drove back to the party. _

"You okay there?" The man beside her was staring her in the eye a worried face screwing up his previous casual demeanour. "You're breathing pretty heavily."

"Yeah." Rory nodded. "Thanks." She smiled this time a genuine smile. Slowly she sucked in air through her mouth and blew oxygen out her nose, trying to control her breathing. She grabbed onto the cross hanging around her neck, and rubbed the cool steel between her fingers.

"You religious?" The man beside her asked.

"Hmm..." Rory looked over at the square faced man, slightly confused. "Oh." She realized what she was holding. "No, not really."

_"Rory." Jim called out to her as she re-entered the party. She kept moving toward the coffee cart. "Rory." Jim called out a little louder. He caught up to her and held her elbow. "Hey." She turned around to face him. He paused. "You went to see him didn't you." He let out a heavy breath. "Dammit Rory."_

_"Why are you getting mad at me?"__ Rory crossed her arms._

_"__Because I know you Rory and I know you will blow this out of proportion."_

_"Proportion!" Rory copied angrily. _

_"You can't swing back and forth anymore Rory it's not healthy and __it's__ not fair to you or Logan."_

_"I'm sorry Jim.__ We can't all have you're sweet-__meet your perfect match and __get married all within two week-__ scenario."_

_"Don't do this Rory."_

_"Don't do what Jim?" She mocked. _

_"Don't push me away."_

_Rory let __out __a guffaw. "No Jim you do that all __by yourself." _

_Jim's voice went calm and quiet. "If you're not happy Rory fix it but don't go blaming anyone else." He turned and left her there._

_It was their last words._

_"Rory," The smiling receptionist approached. "This was left at the desk for you." She passed off the small brown bag. Rory took the bag, thanked the receptionist vaguely wondering how the woman knew who she was, and finally made herself a cup of coffee. With the cup of jo in hand she sat at a small table in the back of the room away from the melee of people. Inside the bag was a small letter. _

_Lorelai,_

_This was Mack's he gave it to me the day he went into hiding. I told him that I couldn't wear such a flashy piece of jewellery. He told me to take it anyway put it in a safe place,__ and__ that someday I would know what to do with it. Guess he was right, he always was._

_-Tim_

_Rory picked up the bag and turned it upside down out slid a finely wrought silver cross. She thumbed the engraved pattern. _

'We all have to believe in something Rory. That doesn't have to be God, but to have unblinding faith in something gives us all a goal to move toward.' She recited Mack's words as the planes landing gear grinded out of their resting place. She looked out at the city of Boston.

There were a lot of memories she was leaving and a lot of memories she was coming back to. And a lot of people she owed apologies to. As she walked the exit tunnel she pushed all those memories to the back of her mind, they would have to wait, first things first she had people to crush.


End file.
